Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Rachels Challenge"You Just May Start A Chain React...": they should have killed you! think of how happy all the people from your past would be. your sister, brother and father. you fucked up their lives! 17 stab wounds! not enough! you should receive 17 stab wounds for every time you hit your sister. do all these readers know about your real past? tell the truth! don't hide behind the name of GOD.
Dear Mr. Anonymous ,
You are really in need of some wisdom. read this . something to ponder.Did you take into consideration my dad's interest in having these things of ours put on the web before you made your very public Comment .I am going to print the story if he insists on continuing half truths , innuendos, and not accepting "all" of ours responsibility in this sorrow. I am more than willing to write the story but I don't think he's going to like it.All these things can be verified one way or another through examination. I know who I am.I know alot more of him than he wants to believe,he's good at self deception.Example;ignoring every cry for help that was visible to his naked eye. The fact that Christy was a living skeleton. She was extremely anorexic.When I time AND TIME again TRIED TO TELL HIM he 'd always brush it off as "she's at a perfect weight"."you're all just jealous of her!" She was less than 90 lbs.!!?Come on, nobody can look good with a bone protruding out and hanging from her shoulder socket.Why? In spite of these things ,I loved my sister and brother. I was forced by Lupe and by Christy's , unwillingness .Maybe you should ask Teodoro Leon Jr. if he wants me to continue. You think your comment is not traceable? Now ask him why he never took Christy to a doctor or hospital during this time.I will wait for a reasonable time for your response. At lioner2@yahoo.com
Yes.You're right. But of course you only get half truths.Why not reveal yourself and we can bring the truth of the matter to light together.So much suffering.For them still.And for you.Ask Christy. And then ask Carlos. then you ask Lupe.And then you ask Ted Leon Jr. how he drove ,through a severe beating of Lupe while she was pregnant, this woman crazy enough to torture all of us through extreme manipulations.Yes ,it seems you know just a half truth.Hence the reason this comment won't be deleted. I told that woman, Lupe ,a long time ago ,that she could say whatever she wanted , but that I would not be part of her sickness of violence and revenge.I repented many years ago,only by God's grace, hence the reason I was always leaving and living on the street(she always found me) as a teenager.I left my dad in Georgia for this reason,Because of the game that woman still played.She kept whispering for his death. I left everything then and have many times since, because I have never been deceived since and will no longer be manipulated by no one.So lets bring out the truth,Anonymous, and we shall see the true mercy God has provided for us all. Looks I have much more to write about.Thank you for your candidness.
I fucked up their lives?That sure gives me a lot of power, to this day.You are wrong, that was one aspect of their lives. But I guess you know the truth because you were there? Let us ask .But of course you might not like what is revealed of the "Sanctity" of Ted Leon Jr.Where was I conceived? ask my mother and T. Leon Jr.And why?Let's reveal the truth,shall we.Too Late.Of course feel free to respond. I will tell the truth.Been wanting to for awhile. The lies and manipulations of the truth and half-truths has gone on long enough.
Who's hiding behind the name of God? What kind of ignorant statement is that? I've told the truth from the beginning. I told my wife Ellen. I told the therapist at O.U.. I told many people.Never have I hidden it ,for the simple fact that I wanted people to know what God has done for me.For the simple fact that I wanted people to know the extent of violence and revenge. Because I wanted people to know a true act of Forgiveness. How even the most blessed are manipulated due to the guilt ,shame and arrogance of others' own convictions. How what severity people such as yourself impose by calling for blood and not following Christs commandment of Forgiveness. No ,don't forgive me. It's a grace of and from God. You can not forgive unless you forgive informedly. Yes , there is much to forgive. Your hate has already caused you to act with out wisdom...but maybe this is the only way. It started with a phone call to Ted Leon Jr. by someone that I intentionally gave his location to at dinner.And I knew what would happen.Did T.Leon think he could just slander me with no consequences for his half truths. The sins of the father. Ask Christy to tell the truth and what part she played,willingly.She was no innocent victim. Ask Carlos, tell him to tell you how I would hit that belt on the ground as hard as I could and instruct him to yell as loud as he could as if I had hit him( because Lupe wanted to hear these noises).He did it. He did not get hit,anymore.And we laughed.
Sins of the step mother. Ask Christy how I would instruct her time and time again to do the same. She would not scream.She would stare at me with defiance. She would go immediately into the house and tell Lupe the game I had attempted. I would be trumped with an assault charge by Lupe and go to jail. I would be kicked out of the house by some lie of hers that she told Ted Leon Jr., and he would willingly consent to it. All because I didn't want to hit Christy and Christy would not go along because of her perverse attraction to Lupe.Lupe force fed her and Carlos excessive amounts of food that she piled high on their plates. Ted Leon didn't notice?Lupe induced the anorexia on her.She was wickedly smart.Should I go on?Because this is not how it begun. I shall go back and fill in the blanks for you perverts that get a kick out of suffering . I shall tell of the sins of the father he would pass on to a young 14 year old kid that was manipulated by a woman he turned evil due to his violence. He is the one crying out for help now.
"Is it because,Ted Leon Jr., the next time you tried to wash the wall with her blood I got between you and her at the age of 13 and I told you that I would not allow you to do this to her or yourself ever again. And you being a grown man submitted to my statement with reluctance. You already knew then, that I spoke with power and authority, even then,hence the reason you made no attempt then or ever again to shed her blood."But you did make the statement to her,'See what you've done! You turned my son against me!' No I am not against you, never have been. If it hadn't been for me ,we would have all suffered an extremely painful death. To bad your hate for me and this woman's hate for us divided us...I tried to tell you. You always punished me. You were baffled.She told you so many lies and you believed them all.She manipulated you then and still does to this day. "
A history of violence.
Where to begin? The rest of this has been transferred to Violence, Revenge, Forgiveness, to continue click here http://violencerevengeforgive.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Rachels Challenge"You Just May Start A Chain Reaction"
Rachel's Challenge is committed to the message of Rachel Scott to start a chain reaction of kindness and compassion. Rachel's Challenge is a non-religious, non-political, non-profit organization.
"I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction of the same." - Rachel Scott
"I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction of the same." - Rachel Scott
Rachel Scott was the first person killed at Columbine High School on April 20, 1999. Her acts of kindness and compassion coupled with the contents of her six diaries have become the foundation for one of the most life-changing school programs in America - Rachel's Challenge.
Darrel Scott(Rachel's father) wrote a poem that perfectly describes the problems we face and provides the answer for those courageous enough to believe:
"Your laws ignore our deepest
needs
Your words are empty air
You've stripped our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer
Now gunshots fill our
classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers
everywhere,
And ask the question, 'Why?'
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed,
And you fail to
understand
That God is what we need!"
creators.com opinion by Chuck Norris/Terminating teenage violent crime,2008-04-15 click here to read
Friday, April 25, 2008
How I came to receive 17 stab wounds.Forgiveness.
This is going to be a lengthy story, as it spans the course of a year ,I believe ,if my memory serves me correctly.But it doesn't end with the incidents of this year. It can be verified through records held in the Cleveland County Courthouse(motions,court minutes..etc.), records(I never received my copies and what they did send was heavily blacked out. Of course , I did get a letter from Janet Reno ) kept at the FBI that I instigated under the Omnibus Crime Law, the Roman Catholic Church( as a result of the assistance I received ) and who knows who else, as these things were not done in secret. It can not be written in one day, so this will be an evolving document, so in time , material will be added to continue the story.
1991.
My wife and kids and I arrived in Oklahoma due to the availability of my wife's family and the fact that Tinker Air force Base was minutes from where her aunt and uncle lived.This was necessary and convenient for the birth of our daughter , Elena Roxanne at Tinker. The military had Bekins Moving and Storage transfer our personal and household goods and place them in storage in Houston, where we thought we were going to move and live .
As a result of difficulties and stresses we encountered in Houston , we both agreed that, until the birth of Elena it would be wise for her to be around family, so we went to OKC.
Let me get to the meat of the title and then weave in and out ...
1992
After the events of the day I was ready for some peace. But it was not to occur. While looking out the window of my apartment I noticed that Carl Todd Russell and David Brown were walking next to my building.My motorcycle was parked at the end of my stairs leading to my upstairs apartment. I understood,due to the inability or unwillingness of the police to protect me from the days earlier assault on my person by Carl Todd Russell( he ,with no instigation on my part, punched me in the forehead,HARD) and the repertoire he had with the police( shaking hands,slapping each other on the back...chummy ,chummy), that they were sent to instigate me. I was aware that they would attempt to cause damage to my "bike" to further instigate me, so that is the reason I had moved the bike from the parking lot to the foot of the stairs. But ,as he had assaulted me out of the blue ,I had put a stick(one of those white ,round wooden things found in newer Apartments closets to hang clothes on) in the net of my bike to fend off another attack. When I went downstairs to check on the bike,David Brown came out from underneath the stairwell and I thought we were fixing to fight. He had a smile on his face and stated that he and Carl Todd were sorry for the incident earlier in the day and to make up for it they wanted to smoke a joint with me as a peace offering. I told him that I was just baffled as to why Carl Todd had hit me in the first place but I was more than willingly to brush it under the rug, considering we were neighbors in the same apartment complex. I let him know I was going to just let my wife know were I was going. I went upstairs and told her were I would be. I noticed on the way down the stick on my bike was no longer there,so I asked David what happened to it. He said they threw it away,just to make sure there were no more problems. Good answer.As we approached the corner of his building to to turn right , he started going left . I asked him were he was going as I got to the corner and I saw the stick that had been on my bike arc and intersect with my nose full force by a swing of Carl Todd's hands. If my face had been a baseball ,it would have been a home run. I was infuriated,realizing I had been duped again. I asked him,as he threw this stick to David,"Why the Hell did you do that?" He responded something to the effect that they were going to fuck me up ." Not so tough without your sword are you?" I said, "what?" as David proceeded to pound me on top of my head with the stick. Well ,amazingly with the trauma already inflicted, I did not pass out, but instead grabbed that stick out of David 's hand and started to give him a dose of his own violence.Well, then this is when things got a little uglier.As I met the stick with David's head,Carl Todd stabbed me in the right bicep.I dropped the stick out of pained surprise. Now I knew for sure they meant to "Fuck me up!" David picked up the stick again and started to hit me. I had had enough of this and grabbed the stick out of his hands and raised it above my head with both hands and it exploded into a million splinters. Really! Like as if by magick. It surprised even me! Now David was hitting me with his fists, so I gave him a front kick right into his stomach and he exhaled "OOMPH!"I knew it really hurt him. But as my foot had connected with his stomach Carl Todd grabbed the opportunity to plunge that knife into my right thigh and pull down. He left an approximate 2-3 inch jagged gash .Son of a bitch ,now that one really hurt and it dawned on me they were not just trying to fuck me up, they were trying to kill me!! I immediately started bleeding profusely and I knew I had only minutes if not seconds to get away before I was not able to as a result of the profuse bleeding. I was pinned between them with a fence on one side and their building on one. Carl Todd continued to stab me as I rolled to the ground attempting to get away from the reach of the knife. I started losing consciousness,but I kept rolling. Now I came to the point that I was not rolling anywhere, I was just lying there. So now , they took their time with no fear . In fact I could see the pleasure they were having. At least they were happy at their work(LOL). I was on my back,when Carl told David to turn me over on my stomach, which he did.Carl then proceeded to stab me up and down my spine.Carl then told David to turn me over again and lift up my arm.He did. Carl then stabbed me in in my right(side) lung, causing a partial pneumothorax.My lung deflated. Now Carl instructed David to tilt my head back and open my mouth.Now I could tell by the look on Davids face that he was baffled. Carl actually got mad at him and threatened him and told him to do just what he told him. He tilted my head back and held my mouth open as Carl proceeded to remove from his back pocket a pint of Jack Daniels, open it, and pour it down my throat.My first thought was to give thanks to GOD for at least letting me have a good drink before I died. I know I then died.
My doberman pinscher(Liebchen) had at this time been trying to breakout of the 2nd floor apartment(this is according to Ellen) by jumping through the living room(she sensed and probably could see what was happening to me from her vantage point,as to where I wound up after rolling.) window.This had freaked Ellen out as she had no idea what was going on outside.We had just earlier got Liebchen from an Airforce member who informed us that she was an Airforce trained security dog ,but that her commands were in German.Ellen put the leash on her and the dobie literally almost yanked her arm out of Ellen's socket as she dragged her over to me. She saw me lying on the ground and covered in blood but had not realized I had been stabbed and beaten so severely. I came to then and saw an angel with anguish on her face and I heard Liebchen whimpering. I heard Ellen yell," I see you motherfuckers hiding under the stairs and don't think I don't know who you are!"With Liebchen's help, she dragged me back to our building and left me at the bottom of the stairs, cause I couldn't go any further!She went to call the police, but the sirens were already in the air.The ambulance was there before she even called the police,within 2-3 minutes according to the time she dragged me to the stairs and she walked up them. She had just got off the phone with 911 when she came down the stairs and saw the paramedics cutting all my clothes off me. She then(being a 91-c ,e-5 in the army)realized the extent of my injuries.And she was pissed that they were letting me be exposed in full nudity( a crowd was gathering ,drawn by the sirens) .
She then witnessed the police arrive and the assailants come out of the shadows and calmly walk over to the police and shake hands and hand over the knife. She said they were even laughing and slapping each other on the back.They obviously knew each other. I believe I died again. Next thing I know is the paramedics putting me in a pressure suit.I remember them trying to comfort me,telling me I was going to be okay. I think they were trying more to comfort themselves,it was horrific. And they could tell by the amount of wounds that this was not ordinary.
They stuck me in the ambulance and I heard them say ,"we're losing him!"And then , "We lost him!!" And immediately I was in the most peace I had ever felt and knew I was going home.Yes, I saw the bright light.And was going toward it, but a voice immediately said to me,"You can come home,but before you make that decision ,be aware that they will kill the children." It was no effort to decide and I found myself back in my body in the ER, coming to, hearing somebody yelling at me ,"What did you do with the stick that you attacked those men with!?" I became coherent enough to realize it was some woman cop yelling at me.
1987 William Beaumont Army Medical Center is located in El Paso , Texas, the place of my birth. I was training there through the Job partnership training act on the Pre-op/post-op ward.Sgt. Nangle was my immediate supervisor. I was attending A.A. And N.A. .Though I was not really an abuser of drugs.Yes I did smoke Pot.But not during my "sobriety. It was on a condition that my grandmother stipulated if I was to stay with her(going to treatment , not giving up pot, didn't need it at the time).No, I am not in denial. I stayed sober and clean for a total of 2 years. I did the steps. The steps showed me how to empower myself. I still believe in them for those needing to know how do what they want and live.
A.A. is where I met Ellen. She started coming to the 12:00 meeting at the arid club in her white military nurses uniform and my first immediate impression was that she was extremely sick ,in every aspect, she was extremely anorexic.Gaunt.Eyes shrunken in the sockets.Very bright bleached blond hair that was damaged due to her condition.Extremely unattractive. But she was really animated.Sgt Ray Goin (my sponsor) introduced us."Ted, I 'd like you to meet Sgt.Ellen Spicer!" After listening to me speak in a couple of meetings and ascertaining that I was not a psycho she asked me out to coffee at the Village Inn, but she was quick to point out she only had a couple of dollars(LOL).We went in her car.She was not used to it. I tried to be a friend and I was.
I was allowed to do many things on the floor at WBMAC ( Ellen also worked here on the OB/GYN/Post Partum Ward)than other CNA's were allowed . I was basically training in the capacity of a 91b. The other civilian CNA's training there( and I think I saw only 2) only filled the water jugs,emptied urinals, changed linen ... etc. I suctioned tracheotomies, cleansed halo's,inserted and D/C'd catheters, under supervision of a nurse dispensed meds,enemas(B/O), including vitals and other things(assisted in a lumbar puncture and would perform depactions, De brie wounds, repack wounds).
I ran everyday and even participated with some of the enlisted and officers in a couple of marathons by their invitation.
Ellen became a friend and I started showing her Juarez and the surrounding areas.White Sands, Ruiodoso,Las Cruces ,Carlsbad Caverns.And she enjoyed it and my company.I did not push myself on her and that attracted her. I was a gentleman. Still Am.
Ellen had flunked her Pt test again and was desperate. I started by conditioning her appetite to increase her strength. She was more at peace than when I had first met her. Rock climbing at Hueco Tanks increased her stamina. Her muscles were turning athletic. I would get her Mc Donald's on the way to work . I made sure she ate. I introduced her to the foods of El Paso and Juarez. Chico's Tacos. Abuelitas Tamales. Ciro's Flautas.Villa de Mar.She started filling out. She loved the food and the company.I was her friend. Then when she actually did PT with the Army I was there with her,side by side ,running...encouraging her. No not yelling.Being a friend.
I had promised God that if she did not kill herself, in Oklahoma during a trip up there, that I would take care of her until she was able to take care of herself and live.She had recently bought a gun and had taken it up to Oklahoma with her on the trip( I was not aware of this at the time). I was at my Grandmothers house when she called after 10 p.m. and riled my Grandmother.She wanted to know what I was doing and I told her it was late and my Grandmother was irritated that she had called so late. She apologized and said that she would never do it again and I told her it was okay ...just watch the time.We said goodbye and hung up. I went back to bed and then got the horriblest feeling.Thoughts.The gun."Ill never do it again." The extreme sadness. Death. I knew what she was going to do , so I asked God immediately with tears in my eyes, if that he would allow her to live, I would take care of her and make her well.When she came back from Oklahoma a few days later, she was so happy to see me.I was happy to see her! She confessed to me on her own that she was going to have killed herself while in Oklahoma. I asked her how? She said she was fixing to pull the trigger with the gun in her mouth but that at the last second she had not the desire to die. I asked her when this act occurred. She said a little while after she had gotten off the phone with me.She explained, that was the reason she had called, to say goodbye one last time. I told her I was glad she called and was aware that she was in mortal danger. And how I knew. And what I promised and to Who.She was so beautiful now.She glowed
That is why I was with her, running PT on base with her.
I eventually moved in with her at her request to help her with the rent and she said it would get me out of my grandmothers house. I agreed. My dad had been calling everyone in the family to pressure my grandmother to throw me out.I thanked her and accepted her offer.
Now the military took notice of these abilities and the actions. They saw Ellen's transformation within a matter of months.They saw to what extent I was willingly to go for a human being . And what change I effected.Nothing is done in secret. Especially on a military base.
Sgt. Nangle wanted to have a word in the report room with me.That's where he told me that he and Sgt. O'reilly(Reilly?), his immediate , and a few others had noticed my abilities and what I did on base and were very impressed. He asked me if I knew what CID was? Not really ,I told him. He explained that It stood for Criminal Investigation Division of the Army. I was sort of baffled.So he said flatly "we can always use someone with your proven abilities in CID." He was trying to recruit me into CID based on what they had observed at the A.A. meetings(many military attended including SSgt. Ray Goins,counselor at the ADAPC[Army alcohol drug abuse prevention and control programmpdadapc ], my interaction with Ellen(Sgt.), My interaction with the people of the hospital,my interaction in general and my ability to effect a change for the better. I told him I was not really interested. He said for me to think about it. I told him I really didn't feel like going to Basic training .I would not have to go to basic training, as I Had already proved myself, he told me. He again told me to think about it. He emphasized that they wanted me just as I was.Desperately.
The rest of this continues at Violence Revenge Forgiveness.To Read Click Here
1991.
My wife and kids and I arrived in Oklahoma due to the availability of my wife's family and the fact that Tinker Air force Base was minutes from where her aunt and uncle lived.This was necessary and convenient for the birth of our daughter , Elena Roxanne at Tinker. The military had Bekins Moving and Storage transfer our personal and household goods and place them in storage in Houston, where we thought we were going to move and live .
As a result of difficulties and stresses we encountered in Houston , we both agreed that, until the birth of Elena it would be wise for her to be around family, so we went to OKC.
Let me get to the meat of the title and then weave in and out ...
1992
After the events of the day I was ready for some peace. But it was not to occur. While looking out the window of my apartment I noticed that Carl Todd Russell and David Brown were walking next to my building.My motorcycle was parked at the end of my stairs leading to my upstairs apartment. I understood,due to the inability or unwillingness of the police to protect me from the days earlier assault on my person by Carl Todd Russell( he ,with no instigation on my part, punched me in the forehead,HARD) and the repertoire he had with the police( shaking hands,slapping each other on the back...chummy ,chummy), that they were sent to instigate me. I was aware that they would attempt to cause damage to my "bike" to further instigate me, so that is the reason I had moved the bike from the parking lot to the foot of the stairs. But ,as he had assaulted me out of the blue ,I had put a stick(one of those white ,round wooden things found in newer Apartments closets to hang clothes on) in the net of my bike to fend off another attack. When I went downstairs to check on the bike,David Brown came out from underneath the stairwell and I thought we were fixing to fight. He had a smile on his face and stated that he and Carl Todd were sorry for the incident earlier in the day and to make up for it they wanted to smoke a joint with me as a peace offering. I told him that I was just baffled as to why Carl Todd had hit me in the first place but I was more than willingly to brush it under the rug, considering we were neighbors in the same apartment complex. I let him know I was going to just let my wife know were I was going. I went upstairs and told her were I would be. I noticed on the way down the stick on my bike was no longer there,so I asked David what happened to it. He said they threw it away,just to make sure there were no more problems. Good answer.As we approached the corner of his building to to turn right , he started going left . I asked him were he was going as I got to the corner and I saw the stick that had been on my bike arc and intersect with my nose full force by a swing of Carl Todd's hands. If my face had been a baseball ,it would have been a home run. I was infuriated,realizing I had been duped again. I asked him,as he threw this stick to David,"Why the Hell did you do that?" He responded something to the effect that they were going to fuck me up ." Not so tough without your sword are you?" I said, "what?" as David proceeded to pound me on top of my head with the stick. Well ,amazingly with the trauma already inflicted, I did not pass out, but instead grabbed that stick out of David 's hand and started to give him a dose of his own violence.Well, then this is when things got a little uglier.As I met the stick with David's head,Carl Todd stabbed me in the right bicep.I dropped the stick out of pained surprise. Now I knew for sure they meant to "Fuck me up!" David picked up the stick again and started to hit me. I had had enough of this and grabbed the stick out of his hands and raised it above my head with both hands and it exploded into a million splinters. Really! Like as if by magick. It surprised even me! Now David was hitting me with his fists, so I gave him a front kick right into his stomach and he exhaled "OOMPH!"I knew it really hurt him. But as my foot had connected with his stomach Carl Todd grabbed the opportunity to plunge that knife into my right thigh and pull down. He left an approximate 2-3 inch jagged gash .Son of a bitch ,now that one really hurt and it dawned on me they were not just trying to fuck me up, they were trying to kill me!! I immediately started bleeding profusely and I knew I had only minutes if not seconds to get away before I was not able to as a result of the profuse bleeding. I was pinned between them with a fence on one side and their building on one. Carl Todd continued to stab me as I rolled to the ground attempting to get away from the reach of the knife. I started losing consciousness,but I kept rolling. Now I came to the point that I was not rolling anywhere, I was just lying there. So now , they took their time with no fear . In fact I could see the pleasure they were having. At least they were happy at their work(LOL). I was on my back,when Carl told David to turn me over on my stomach, which he did.Carl then proceeded to stab me up and down my spine.Carl then told David to turn me over again and lift up my arm.He did. Carl then stabbed me in in my right(side) lung, causing a partial pneumothorax.My lung deflated. Now Carl instructed David to tilt my head back and open my mouth.Now I could tell by the look on Davids face that he was baffled. Carl actually got mad at him and threatened him and told him to do just what he told him. He tilted my head back and held my mouth open as Carl proceeded to remove from his back pocket a pint of Jack Daniels, open it, and pour it down my throat.My first thought was to give thanks to GOD for at least letting me have a good drink before I died. I know I then died.
My doberman pinscher(Liebchen) had at this time been trying to breakout of the 2nd floor apartment(this is according to Ellen) by jumping through the living room(she sensed and probably could see what was happening to me from her vantage point,as to where I wound up after rolling.) window.This had freaked Ellen out as she had no idea what was going on outside.We had just earlier got Liebchen from an Airforce member who informed us that she was an Airforce trained security dog ,but that her commands were in German.Ellen put the leash on her and the dobie literally almost yanked her arm out of Ellen's socket as she dragged her over to me. She saw me lying on the ground and covered in blood but had not realized I had been stabbed and beaten so severely. I came to then and saw an angel with anguish on her face and I heard Liebchen whimpering. I heard Ellen yell," I see you motherfuckers hiding under the stairs and don't think I don't know who you are!"With Liebchen's help, she dragged me back to our building and left me at the bottom of the stairs, cause I couldn't go any further!She went to call the police, but the sirens were already in the air.The ambulance was there before she even called the police,within 2-3 minutes according to the time she dragged me to the stairs and she walked up them. She had just got off the phone with 911 when she came down the stairs and saw the paramedics cutting all my clothes off me. She then(being a 91-c ,e-5 in the army)realized the extent of my injuries.And she was pissed that they were letting me be exposed in full nudity( a crowd was gathering ,drawn by the sirens) .
She then witnessed the police arrive and the assailants come out of the shadows and calmly walk over to the police and shake hands and hand over the knife. She said they were even laughing and slapping each other on the back.They obviously knew each other. I believe I died again. Next thing I know is the paramedics putting me in a pressure suit.I remember them trying to comfort me,telling me I was going to be okay. I think they were trying more to comfort themselves,it was horrific. And they could tell by the amount of wounds that this was not ordinary.
They stuck me in the ambulance and I heard them say ,"we're losing him!"And then , "We lost him!!" And immediately I was in the most peace I had ever felt and knew I was going home.Yes, I saw the bright light.And was going toward it, but a voice immediately said to me,"You can come home,but before you make that decision ,be aware that they will kill the children." It was no effort to decide and I found myself back in my body in the ER, coming to, hearing somebody yelling at me ,"What did you do with the stick that you attacked those men with!?" I became coherent enough to realize it was some woman cop yelling at me.
1987 William Beaumont Army Medical Center is located in El Paso , Texas, the place of my birth. I was training there through the Job partnership training act on the Pre-op/post-op ward.Sgt. Nangle was my immediate supervisor. I was attending A.A. And N.A. .Though I was not really an abuser of drugs.Yes I did smoke Pot.But not during my "sobriety. It was on a condition that my grandmother stipulated if I was to stay with her(going to treatment , not giving up pot, didn't need it at the time).No, I am not in denial. I stayed sober and clean for a total of 2 years. I did the steps. The steps showed me how to empower myself. I still believe in them for those needing to know how do what they want and live.
A.A. is where I met Ellen. She started coming to the 12:00 meeting at the arid club in her white military nurses uniform and my first immediate impression was that she was extremely sick ,in every aspect, she was extremely anorexic.Gaunt.Eyes shrunken in the sockets.Very bright bleached blond hair that was damaged due to her condition.Extremely unattractive. But she was really animated.Sgt Ray Goin (my sponsor) introduced us."Ted, I 'd like you to meet Sgt.Ellen Spicer!" After listening to me speak in a couple of meetings and ascertaining that I was not a psycho she asked me out to coffee at the Village Inn, but she was quick to point out she only had a couple of dollars(LOL).We went in her car.She was not used to it. I tried to be a friend and I was.
I was allowed to do many things on the floor at WBMAC ( Ellen also worked here on the OB/GYN/Post Partum Ward)than other CNA's were allowed . I was basically training in the capacity of a 91b. The other civilian CNA's training there( and I think I saw only 2) only filled the water jugs,emptied urinals, changed linen ... etc. I suctioned tracheotomies, cleansed halo's,inserted and D/C'd catheters, under supervision of a nurse dispensed meds,enemas(B/O), including vitals and other things(assisted in a lumbar puncture and would perform depactions, De brie wounds, repack wounds).
I ran everyday and even participated with some of the enlisted and officers in a couple of marathons by their invitation.
Ellen became a friend and I started showing her Juarez and the surrounding areas.White Sands, Ruiodoso,Las Cruces ,Carlsbad Caverns.And she enjoyed it and my company.I did not push myself on her and that attracted her. I was a gentleman. Still Am.
Ellen had flunked her Pt test again and was desperate. I started by conditioning her appetite to increase her strength. She was more at peace than when I had first met her. Rock climbing at Hueco Tanks increased her stamina. Her muscles were turning athletic. I would get her Mc Donald's on the way to work . I made sure she ate. I introduced her to the foods of El Paso and Juarez. Chico's Tacos. Abuelitas Tamales. Ciro's Flautas.Villa de Mar.She started filling out. She loved the food and the company.I was her friend. Then when she actually did PT with the Army I was there with her,side by side ,running...encouraging her. No not yelling.Being a friend.
I had promised God that if she did not kill herself, in Oklahoma during a trip up there, that I would take care of her until she was able to take care of herself and live.She had recently bought a gun and had taken it up to Oklahoma with her on the trip( I was not aware of this at the time). I was at my Grandmothers house when she called after 10 p.m. and riled my Grandmother.She wanted to know what I was doing and I told her it was late and my Grandmother was irritated that she had called so late. She apologized and said that she would never do it again and I told her it was okay ...just watch the time.We said goodbye and hung up. I went back to bed and then got the horriblest feeling.Thoughts.The gun."Ill never do it again." The extreme sadness. Death. I knew what she was going to do , so I asked God immediately with tears in my eyes, if that he would allow her to live, I would take care of her and make her well.When she came back from Oklahoma a few days later, she was so happy to see me.I was happy to see her! She confessed to me on her own that she was going to have killed herself while in Oklahoma. I asked her how? She said she was fixing to pull the trigger with the gun in her mouth but that at the last second she had not the desire to die. I asked her when this act occurred. She said a little while after she had gotten off the phone with me.She explained, that was the reason she had called, to say goodbye one last time. I told her I was glad she called and was aware that she was in mortal danger. And how I knew. And what I promised and to Who.She was so beautiful now.She glowed
That is why I was with her, running PT on base with her.
I eventually moved in with her at her request to help her with the rent and she said it would get me out of my grandmothers house. I agreed. My dad had been calling everyone in the family to pressure my grandmother to throw me out.I thanked her and accepted her offer.
Now the military took notice of these abilities and the actions. They saw Ellen's transformation within a matter of months.They saw to what extent I was willingly to go for a human being . And what change I effected.Nothing is done in secret. Especially on a military base.
Sgt. Nangle wanted to have a word in the report room with me.That's where he told me that he and Sgt. O'reilly(Reilly?), his immediate , and a few others had noticed my abilities and what I did on base and were very impressed. He asked me if I knew what CID was? Not really ,I told him. He explained that It stood for Criminal Investigation Division of the Army. I was sort of baffled.So he said flatly "we can always use someone with your proven abilities in CID." He was trying to recruit me into CID based on what they had observed at the A.A. meetings(many military attended including SSgt. Ray Goins,counselor at the ADAPC[Army alcohol drug abuse prevention and control programmpdadapc ], my interaction with Ellen(Sgt.), My interaction with the people of the hospital,my interaction in general and my ability to effect a change for the better. I told him I was not really interested. He said for me to think about it. I told him I really didn't feel like going to Basic training .I would not have to go to basic training, as I Had already proved myself, he told me. He again told me to think about it. He emphasized that they wanted me just as I was.Desperately.
The rest of this continues at Violence Revenge Forgiveness.To Read Click Here
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Yes, now I'm homeless!
Sister Susan called to catholic charities for me and spoke to Tim Connor the director,and had me go there to see a woman named Susan...she came to the lobby and started talking to me about my case there in the lobby ,which was a good indication she was not taking me to her office ,which was a good indication the outcome was going to be in the negative,for me. Bulls eye. At least I'm not as naive or willing to give the benefit of the doubt as I used to be , I saw it for what it was."Well the reason we can't assist you is because it's a motel and you don't have a lease agreement". I told her I was under the impression from Sister Susan that the lease would not be an issue,as they were well aware of the status of the place as incorporated as a motel, but that it was actually an apartment. I already knew that was the reason ,I told her. So, I told her that I came all this way for nothing, again, and now you have also lied to Sister Susan, by allowing her to believe that they were going to assist me.Why then, would Sister Susan had sent me there, again to be told the same thing? I told her that they were all willingly complicit in their lies, time and time , again. I told her those times that I sat in that lobby waiting for hours allowed to me to see to what extent they would lie."No we don't assist in rent," Sandra Carrillo would tell walk-ins that I supposed she had no intention of helping. So , then I asked her if it was a federal guideline they were following, because then it would be apparent why they were so willing to lie, because they no longer were"Catholic Charities" but a corrupt federal agency.She said that these were "their" guidelines. I told her that made it even more corrupt, it being Catholic Charities. I asked her if I then called my manager and if she would fax a lease agreement, would that do?I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn't going to approve the monies one way or another, but what could she say in the lobby with witnesses? Of course she said yes. I called Linda and asked her if she had an actual lease she could fax and of course Linda said no ,for legal and money reasons(they'd have to take me to court if I failed to pay rent and that it would cost them "money"). Well , that was the end of that. I told Susan it was obvious that they were all complicit in the gossiping and lies( I told her I was aware that it was Kathy Vance at ST. Vincent DE Paul who started the problems and that they were complicit according to their actions and behaviours) . I told her that it was God who had put them in these positions of power at Catholic Charities and as they were unwilling to do Gods work they would first be removed from their positions and "lo and behold " they would all find themselves homeless.I told her an injustice is paid with an injustice.And when it happened ,remember why.The disease runs deep.
I then told her that if they had just been willing to do Gods will they would have been aware of the manipulation and deceivements, but now that they went along willingly ignorant they were just as much as fault. I then passed out my card and explained to her that I had reluctantly wrote up an article on my site listed on the card detailing the eventsClick here to read , along with the names of those willingly involved in my suffering. I told her about the stigmata imposed on me by a man( Dr. Gary Anderson,there are 3 @Baptist Integris, so exclude the other Garys) and how I have walked from downtown with extreme pain in my foot to be lied to again and again.She said she could give me a bus token.I told her I would rather suffer their lies and the pain to give more merit to the act of forgiveness. During this time , people are in the lobby area listening( employees).Nobody challenged me .Nobody said what I was saying was untrue.They all knew it was the truth.I said other profound things,but it would take all day to write it...you get the gest of it.So ,yes ,as of 5 pm I am homeless due to the avarice ,malfeasance and lies of men(mainly women, the men were to much of cowards and worked behind the scenes).A corrupt and faithless generation.I can't tell any difference from the Gospel people and these people.It's like it's happening all over again.What a nightmare!! I'm too sick to be walking here and there to eat( I've got $5) so I've inclined myself to walk out of town and find a little wooded area and just sit.I'm tired. I was given false hope.I fell for it ,again.I'm sick and tired.Don't want to sit in some alley...just want some peace.Hence the reason of the wooded area.Peace.To top it off,even if I wanted to go to a shelter my card expired and I can not subject myself to anymore adulterants,the TB shot.It's an active virus.They give it for a reason other than protecting the public.Same thing with the card.To keep track and control.A corrupt and evil generation.No more my Father.Please empower me with my rightful inheritance .And send me the money that was stolen from me by family(50,000 my grand father had left me,but my dad having the same name... I've never seen it.)A nd certain people.So much has been stolen from me!But no food and water in a wooded area after walking all day to get there...I'll be so tired(exhausted), pray that I'm not alone for too long before the angels come for me...After 5pm I'll go finsh up my blog at the downtown library until 9pm,closing time.then I'll start walking. Starvation,thirst and the worst for a human; loneliness.
Yes , I don't know where I'll sleep...sure I have "friends" with roofs over their heads but like I said they are all crack heads(Hence my mission and the blog homelessokc.blogspot.com).One lives with his mother @" the courts"( crackville) at the age of 45 for the last 3 years. I won't impose on them.He's enough of a burden on her anyway.Robert,the man who stole from me, has a house with some older woman he's shacking up with and leeching off . And their home is excessively infested with roaches(so bad that the time I slept on their sofa there were literally 6 on me at a time while I slept, then even though they stole that huge amount ,when they couldn't make a profit off me ,they had no problem kicking me to the curb( they thought I was going to have a law suit against the jail for the non- medical treatment and be rolling in dough soon and when they realized that is not the way I work,out...but they never did recompense me for the theft) 3 weeks later.I usually left their house at 6:30 am( to make to mass at Our Lady's @ 7:30) and wouldn't return til 9:30 pm, as not to impose on their dysfunctional life.I'm an empath, and could barely stand being around them.I literally just slept there.My "friend " Jay has no woman, but does have his own place and I did stay a couple of nights on his sofa when I got really sick and couldn't literally move, but I got to see in that short time that he was a crack head also( he had kept it hidden from me) and that he had "people" there til 6:00 am smoking in his room.That shit wafes through the air and the negativity(evil) combined with that crack smoke in the air made me deathly ill .I would have left , but I was too sick.My friend Frank has a little efficiency at the Classen senior citizen Tower..but he is also a crack head and a drunk with the same scum leeching off him(He is a really nice guy).But I can't "hang" with these people, it makes me too sick,literally.
Even if I could go to the mission ,it's the same story...they smoke crack in the bathrooms with impunity.There is even an OKC police officer stationed there that does nothing. I just want peace.The trees don't smoke crack ,yet. But to get to a secluded spot means walking miles out of town from where I am at.Past I -240 to make sure I'm not on private property trespassing. So tired...couldn't realistically do it even if I was healthy as a goat. And then walk all the way back to 10th and robinson to get a free breakfast at 6:30 am.Listen people, I'm fucking sick(bronchitis,the foot surgeries,testicular masses and the bleeding I experience due to my diverticulitis[anemic at that], not to mention the 17 stab wound scars "all"[ yes ,these persons who did this intended me to suffer and they took great pleasure ]over my body including up and down my spine and in my lung.The people I know that don't smoke crack or have an extreme dysfunction in their lives are morally apathetic.They state that I could go do all the things listed above ignorantly. they just don't care.they have no understanding. So they lie and allow me to suffer. I really do feel like Job. I really, honestly, can't recall sinning against my Father.Yes I do smoke Marijuana, but it's a gift from GOD.It's a natural plant!Unadulterated.It s the only medicine that provides peace and relief. How can you smart people believe the lies about it killing brain cells.Would I be able to write as eloquently as I do if there was even an ounce of truth to this propaganda.I do not do man made "DRUGS". I am a naturalist.No aspirin.unless I'm in the hospital with a couple of holes in my footadulterants-and-my-body( click here) Those are the enslavers.The problem with pot and our youth?You assholes have never shown them to give thanks to GOD for it, less tell them the truth because you are deceived yourselves. You don't even give thanks to GOD for the wine and beers ,and spirits you consume.Hence , the reasons for mass consumption and obliteration.Learn to give thanks to GOD for all good things that he gave you and teach your children such. You people are mindless sheep !Wake up. Remember! Be aware and don't fall victim to the dictates of men.Moses only came down with 10 commandments. And why do you think those other" laws were added and by who. Remember Moses Father in law? And how it was not God who partitioned the duties but by a suggestion of his father-in law and maybe you can guess why and to who those duties they fell.Power,control,greed.Can't you see the perfection of the ten commandments? Are you going to say that God said later," Woops ,forgot a few things!" The five books (the Torah) contain both the complete system of biblical law, called commandments (Hebrew: mitzvah, pl mitzvot) of which 613 have been enumerated. Now I got this figure from wikipedia,so I'm not sure how accurate it is ,but as I recall from memory it is pretty close to , if not a liberal ,figure.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torah
I then told her that if they had just been willing to do Gods will they would have been aware of the manipulation and deceivements, but now that they went along willingly ignorant they were just as much as fault. I then passed out my card and explained to her that I had reluctantly wrote up an article on my site listed on the card detailing the eventsClick here to read , along with the names of those willingly involved in my suffering. I told her about the stigmata imposed on me by a man( Dr. Gary Anderson,there are 3 @Baptist Integris, so exclude the other Garys) and how I have walked from downtown with extreme pain in my foot to be lied to again and again.She said she could give me a bus token.I told her I would rather suffer their lies and the pain to give more merit to the act of forgiveness. During this time , people are in the lobby area listening( employees).Nobody challenged me .Nobody said what I was saying was untrue.They all knew it was the truth.I said other profound things,but it would take all day to write it...you get the gest of it.So ,yes ,as of 5 pm I am homeless due to the avarice ,malfeasance and lies of men(mainly women, the men were to much of cowards and worked behind the scenes).A corrupt and faithless generation.I can't tell any difference from the Gospel people and these people.It's like it's happening all over again.What a nightmare!! I'm too sick to be walking here and there to eat( I've got $5) so I've inclined myself to walk out of town and find a little wooded area and just sit.I'm tired. I was given false hope.I fell for it ,again.I'm sick and tired.Don't want to sit in some alley...just want some peace.Hence the reason of the wooded area.Peace.To top it off,even if I wanted to go to a shelter my card expired and I can not subject myself to anymore adulterants,the TB shot.It's an active virus.They give it for a reason other than protecting the public.Same thing with the card.To keep track and control.A corrupt and evil generation.No more my Father.Please empower me with my rightful inheritance .And send me the money that was stolen from me by family(50,000 my grand father had left me,but my dad having the same name... I've never seen it.)A nd certain people.So much has been stolen from me!But no food and water in a wooded area after walking all day to get there...I'll be so tired(exhausted), pray that I'm not alone for too long before the angels come for me...After 5pm I'll go finsh up my blog at the downtown library until 9pm,closing time.then I'll start walking. Starvation,thirst and the worst for a human; loneliness.
Yes , I don't know where I'll sleep...sure I have "friends" with roofs over their heads but like I said they are all crack heads(Hence my mission and the blog homelessokc.blogspot.com).One lives with his mother @" the courts"( crackville) at the age of 45 for the last 3 years. I won't impose on them.He's enough of a burden on her anyway.Robert,the man who stole from me, has a house with some older woman he's shacking up with and leeching off . And their home is excessively infested with roaches(so bad that the time I slept on their sofa there were literally 6 on me at a time while I slept, then even though they stole that huge amount ,when they couldn't make a profit off me ,they had no problem kicking me to the curb( they thought I was going to have a law suit against the jail for the non- medical treatment and be rolling in dough soon and when they realized that is not the way I work,out...but they never did recompense me for the theft) 3 weeks later.I usually left their house at 6:30 am( to make to mass at Our Lady's @ 7:30) and wouldn't return til 9:30 pm, as not to impose on their dysfunctional life.I'm an empath, and could barely stand being around them.I literally just slept there.My "friend " Jay has no woman, but does have his own place and I did stay a couple of nights on his sofa when I got really sick and couldn't literally move, but I got to see in that short time that he was a crack head also( he had kept it hidden from me) and that he had "people" there til 6:00 am smoking in his room.That shit wafes through the air and the negativity(evil) combined with that crack smoke in the air made me deathly ill .I would have left , but I was too sick.My friend Frank has a little efficiency at the Classen senior citizen Tower..but he is also a crack head and a drunk with the same scum leeching off him(He is a really nice guy).But I can't "hang" with these people, it makes me too sick,literally.
Even if I could go to the mission ,it's the same story...they smoke crack in the bathrooms with impunity.There is even an OKC police officer stationed there that does nothing. I just want peace.The trees don't smoke crack ,yet. But to get to a secluded spot means walking miles out of town from where I am at.Past I -240 to make sure I'm not on private property trespassing. So tired...couldn't realistically do it even if I was healthy as a goat. And then walk all the way back to 10th and robinson to get a free breakfast at 6:30 am.Listen people, I'm fucking sick(bronchitis,the foot surgeries,testicular masses and the bleeding I experience due to my diverticulitis[anemic at that], not to mention the 17 stab wound scars "all"[ yes ,these persons who did this intended me to suffer and they took great pleasure ]over my body including up and down my spine and in my lung.The people I know that don't smoke crack or have an extreme dysfunction in their lives are morally apathetic.They state that I could go do all the things listed above ignorantly. they just don't care.they have no understanding. So they lie and allow me to suffer. I really do feel like Job. I really, honestly, can't recall sinning against my Father.Yes I do smoke Marijuana, but it's a gift from GOD.It's a natural plant!Unadulterated.It s the only medicine that provides peace and relief. How can you smart people believe the lies about it killing brain cells.Would I be able to write as eloquently as I do if there was even an ounce of truth to this propaganda.I do not do man made "DRUGS". I am a naturalist.No aspirin.unless I'm in the hospital with a couple of holes in my footadulterants-and-my-body( click here) Those are the enslavers.The problem with pot and our youth?You assholes have never shown them to give thanks to GOD for it, less tell them the truth because you are deceived yourselves. You don't even give thanks to GOD for the wine and beers ,and spirits you consume.Hence , the reasons for mass consumption and obliteration.Learn to give thanks to GOD for all good things that he gave you and teach your children such. You people are mindless sheep !Wake up. Remember! Be aware and don't fall victim to the dictates of men.Moses only came down with 10 commandments. And why do you think those other" laws were added and by who. Remember Moses Father in law? And how it was not God who partitioned the duties but by a suggestion of his father-in law and maybe you can guess why and to who those duties they fell.Power,control,greed.Can't you see the perfection of the ten commandments? Are you going to say that God said later," Woops ,forgot a few things!" The five books (the Torah) contain both the complete system of biblical law, called commandments (Hebrew: mitzvah, pl mitzvot) of which 613 have been enumerated. Now I got this figure from wikipedia,so I'm not sure how accurate it is ,but as I recall from memory it is pretty close to , if not a liberal ,figure.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torah
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
God is with us!!! Pray to Him!! Now!
I've got an appt. with Sister Susan @ 9:30 tomorrow morning.I should be still able to make it on time to see you.
Bible study was canceled, again.But I still went upstairs to the meeting room.The door was locked to the room. Sister Susan should have been gone by then (all making the miracles profounder) , in fact the doors to the building should have been locked. She met me at the elevator on my way down. She told me that Bible study had been canceled and was surprised no one had called me to tell me.I told her I didn't have a phone. I then started to remove the bible study books and hand them to her,explaining that I would not have room in my backpack.She looked at me like "what?" I explained , that as of tomorrow , I would be homeless and would not have room for them in the back pack.But that I thought she should know why and how I was going to be homeless, in case she was not aware . I first told her about the promised money from catholic charities.The phone calls to my manager.The promises.The requirement of faxing something stating I lived there.The 3 weeks of waiting.How my manager thought that some catholics were liars. And then how we went there on Friday and how I just happened to intersect Sandra Carrillo, the social services assistant,in the lobby.How other times I've waited 1 1/2 hrs in the lobby being held at bay by the receptionist.And then having to leave.I told her about Sandra Carrillo and how she had immediately became defensive and how she said first ,that they didn't do rental assistance and when I asked her why she had called my manager,how she then said how they don't pay rent on motels and when I reminded her that the place was incorporated as a motel from its' inception and that it was actually an apartment and that they had been aware of it , how she then said she was not sending any money,her decision . I told her that I believe she was under duress and that I had told her this.That I had told her I was just happy that she had finally just told me the truth. 3 weeks later.This was all news to her and I could see the genuine concern in her eyes. She asked me if I had spoken to Tim Connor,the director.I told her that I could not get past the receptionist!
She then anxiously asked me how was she going to get a hold of me if I'm homeless.I at first thought she meant for bible study.I told her I wasn't going to be coming back.Then I could tell in her eyes that she wanted me to come back.But what she really meant was that she was going to call Tim Connor herself and make me an appointment. I told her that if she thought it would do any good I could come back and see what happened. I told her someone was trying to run me away for some reason and that I believe that Sandra Carrillo was under duress and orders despite Sandra stating that it was her decision.Well,they have a funeral at the church tomorrow at 10am.I told her that my manager was very lenient in giving me time ,until 5pm,but that she leaves at 1:00 pm,though her asst. lived on the premises and would be able to call her from her phone if an answer could be found that could keep me there. Thank you for your prayer.It gives me hope.Unexpected,again.thank you Father. Hope!
And then get this.No coincidences.Keep in mind, she should have been gone, long ago.A lady came up to the door.Sister did not recognize her.My first impression was that she was a homeless woman in need of something.Sister unlocked the door and asked her if she could help her...and then she started beaming and immediately embraced this woman with such love that I have not seen except for what I would imagine the father with the prodigal son...overwhelming joy! It felt so good.And then she told her that," I was just thinking and praying about you!" No really.At first the lady didn't grasp it.I told her it was no coincidence,Sister should have been gone long ago, but that I had delayed her.Then she grasped.She told us that she wasn't supposed to be there either except for the fact that she was downtown at the arts festival and it got rained out and her friend was giving her a tour of downtown and she just happened to turn and see Sister Susan in the doorway talking to me .This woman was a cherished relative of one of the Sisters at her convent at Villa Theresa. She hadn't seen her in a long time and really did think about her and pray she would see her.Immediate answer to prayer.And she was happy to introduce me and I blessed her and took her hand then and when she left and said,"Peace be with you." It was overwhelming joy for each of us ,this encounter.Blessed be God forever. This I write to you to impress the immediate answer to prayers.So, pray that the Holy Spirit is with me and those we encounter tomorrow so that Gods peace and will be done expeditiously, God is with us and wants us to know it and do his work. I think it was your prayers and my willingness to bring it out inthe open(reluctantly) that effected this. This letter is also directed to you ,Bill. Friends, that love me enough ,to pray for me.What a blessing!Amen.
Bible study was canceled, again.But I still went upstairs to the meeting room.The door was locked to the room. Sister Susan should have been gone by then (all making the miracles profounder) , in fact the doors to the building should have been locked. She met me at the elevator on my way down. She told me that Bible study had been canceled and was surprised no one had called me to tell me.I told her I didn't have a phone. I then started to remove the bible study books and hand them to her,explaining that I would not have room in my backpack.She looked at me like "what?" I explained , that as of tomorrow , I would be homeless and would not have room for them in the back pack.But that I thought she should know why and how I was going to be homeless, in case she was not aware . I first told her about the promised money from catholic charities.The phone calls to my manager.The promises.The requirement of faxing something stating I lived there.The 3 weeks of waiting.How my manager thought that some catholics were liars. And then how we went there on Friday and how I just happened to intersect Sandra Carrillo, the social services assistant,in the lobby.How other times I've waited 1 1/2 hrs in the lobby being held at bay by the receptionist.And then having to leave.I told her about Sandra Carrillo and how she had immediately became defensive and how she said first ,that they didn't do rental assistance and when I asked her why she had called my manager,how she then said how they don't pay rent on motels and when I reminded her that the place was incorporated as a motel from its' inception and that it was actually an apartment and that they had been aware of it , how she then said she was not sending any money,her decision . I told her that I believe she was under duress and that I had told her this.That I had told her I was just happy that she had finally just told me the truth. 3 weeks later.This was all news to her and I could see the genuine concern in her eyes. She asked me if I had spoken to Tim Connor,the director.I told her that I could not get past the receptionist!
She then anxiously asked me how was she going to get a hold of me if I'm homeless.I at first thought she meant for bible study.I told her I wasn't going to be coming back.Then I could tell in her eyes that she wanted me to come back.But what she really meant was that she was going to call Tim Connor herself and make me an appointment. I told her that if she thought it would do any good I could come back and see what happened. I told her someone was trying to run me away for some reason and that I believe that Sandra Carrillo was under duress and orders despite Sandra stating that it was her decision.Well,they have a funeral at the church tomorrow at 10am.I told her that my manager was very lenient in giving me time ,until 5pm,but that she leaves at 1:00 pm,though her asst. lived on the premises and would be able to call her from her phone if an answer could be found that could keep me there. Thank you for your prayer.It gives me hope.Unexpected,again.thank you Father. Hope!
And then get this.No coincidences.Keep in mind, she should have been gone, long ago.A lady came up to the door.Sister did not recognize her.My first impression was that she was a homeless woman in need of something.Sister unlocked the door and asked her if she could help her...and then she started beaming and immediately embraced this woman with such love that I have not seen except for what I would imagine the father with the prodigal son...overwhelming joy! It felt so good.And then she told her that," I was just thinking and praying about you!" No really.At first the lady didn't grasp it.I told her it was no coincidence,Sister should have been gone long ago, but that I had delayed her.Then she grasped.She told us that she wasn't supposed to be there either except for the fact that she was downtown at the arts festival and it got rained out and her friend was giving her a tour of downtown and she just happened to turn and see Sister Susan in the doorway talking to me .This woman was a cherished relative of one of the Sisters at her convent at Villa Theresa. She hadn't seen her in a long time and really did think about her and pray she would see her.Immediate answer to prayer.And she was happy to introduce me and I blessed her and took her hand then and when she left and said,"Peace be with you." It was overwhelming joy for each of us ,this encounter.Blessed be God forever. This I write to you to impress the immediate answer to prayers.So, pray that the Holy Spirit is with me and those we encounter tomorrow so that Gods peace and will be done expeditiously, God is with us and wants us to know it and do his work. I think it was your prayers and my willingness to bring it out inthe open(reluctantly) that effected this. This letter is also directed to you ,Bill. Friends, that love me enough ,to pray for me.What a blessing!Amen.
Oh, Bruce !The man behind the scenes,with an agenda?
This is only for you,Bruce.Hence the reason I only use your first name.No title.No last name. I know you read this blog. I was finally, after years of trying to reach you,able to look directly into your eyes( I'm practically blind) , through a closed door.How appropriate. Do you remember me, over the course of years coming to church?Attempting to reach you .Never had the time for me, did you?Not even the last time I tried to to make a personal appointment with you.You were standing directly across the counter with your back to me.How appropriate.You were so busy(?). So busy,you couldn't even turn around and tell me yourself that you were busy? 4 feet away!The P.A had to speak for you , realizing how busy you were , so busy. She seemed a little embarrassed, but not really.They all allow you this freedom. For a reason.Respect? Concern?
I was not aware of you? You heard me speak. I heard you when you spoke at the "podium".The homeless....the time at BJ's...the face of ...but no....a light?
Oh, how much I wanted to sit at table with you and eat. How much I wanted to cook you something delicious and healthy. I cry now as I write these words.Why?
If I didn't care for you, would I care or trouble myself with the insults and rejections that you are well aware of ,through those that follow you and your own words and actions.Time and time ,again.Why?How long?Until I die?
You will get your desire and those that desire what you desire ,will also. But at a price.Not my price. I wanted health and over abundant joy for you.Prosperity. For your community.Ours.
The insurance premium can't even be met.I look at the report weekly...barely even inching towards the debt being in the black.Why? Maybe one of your rich constituents will bail the church out of this dysfunction?The ones you do have time for. Or did I not notice?
You faithless,corrupt,evil generation? You rob from yourselves.Willingly.Why?
The price? The loss of a gift.from God.Like a Lion! Teodoro Leon III = Gods gift like a Lion III.
Nothing was done in secret. The church has known from the beginning, as it is a scholarly establishment with meticulous note taking and history, my nature. Is it not possible that some of the things others(including my own family) have said of me are slanders, said to cover up their own perceived "SINS"? If somebody had just asked me, they could have discerned the Truth for themselves about me. They would have made an informed decision." ...for what I have done and what I have failed to do..."
I'm gone soon.May peace be with you...but I don't see how. Injustice is repaid with injustice. Ask those down in Cleveland County.
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord
14Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
15Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
16Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
17Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written," Vengeance is mine; I will repay "saith the Lord.
20Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:14-21 KJV
Maybe ,I'll find myself in Palestine somehow or another getting beheaded by some Muslims. If it would provide peace... I submit.
...but if we don't confront our evils here ,these men who would confront me and hate me here will progress in their disease to the point of the evil we see prevailing in Islam.Edmund Burke said," all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Do not allow evil to triumph. Do not do sit by and do and say nothing, as the Muslim general population does.You through your gift of prayer, send me where I need to go... the Middle east.They will attempt to kill me ...but, so be it.How horrific. I pray that it doesn't come to that.I saw the video of the beheading of Berg and the controversy surrounding it that it was staged.No matter , one way or the other, his body was found and he was dead(without a head attached)!It is a horrific act to behead a dead or live human body with a "KNIFE". They killed him!He did not die of "natural " causes. Why are men willingly complicit to belittle violence, in what ever form it comes. Does it justify them and they have peace within themselves? I don't see it.
I was not aware of you? You heard me speak. I heard you when you spoke at the "podium".The homeless....the time at BJ's...the face of ...but no....a light?
Oh, how much I wanted to sit at table with you and eat. How much I wanted to cook you something delicious and healthy. I cry now as I write these words.Why?
If I didn't care for you, would I care or trouble myself with the insults and rejections that you are well aware of ,through those that follow you and your own words and actions.Time and time ,again.Why?How long?Until I die?
You will get your desire and those that desire what you desire ,will also. But at a price.Not my price. I wanted health and over abundant joy for you.Prosperity. For your community.Ours.
The insurance premium can't even be met.I look at the report weekly...barely even inching towards the debt being in the black.Why? Maybe one of your rich constituents will bail the church out of this dysfunction?The ones you do have time for. Or did I not notice?
You faithless,corrupt,evil generation? You rob from yourselves.Willingly.Why?
The price? The loss of a gift.from God.Like a Lion! Teodoro Leon III = Gods gift like a Lion III.
Nothing was done in secret. The church has known from the beginning, as it is a scholarly establishment with meticulous note taking and history, my nature. Is it not possible that some of the things others(including my own family) have said of me are slanders, said to cover up their own perceived "SINS"? If somebody had just asked me, they could have discerned the Truth for themselves about me. They would have made an informed decision." ...for what I have done and what I have failed to do..."
I'm gone soon.May peace be with you...but I don't see how. Injustice is repaid with injustice. Ask those down in Cleveland County.
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord
14Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
15Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
16Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
17Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written," Vengeance is mine; I will repay "saith the Lord.
20Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:14-21 KJV
Maybe ,I'll find myself in Palestine somehow or another getting beheaded by some Muslims. If it would provide peace... I submit.
...but if we don't confront our evils here ,these men who would confront me and hate me here will progress in their disease to the point of the evil we see prevailing in Islam.Edmund Burke said," all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Do not allow evil to triumph. Do not do sit by and do and say nothing, as the Muslim general population does.You through your gift of prayer, send me where I need to go... the Middle east.They will attempt to kill me ...but, so be it.How horrific. I pray that it doesn't come to that.I saw the video of the beheading of Berg and the controversy surrounding it that it was staged.No matter , one way or the other, his body was found and he was dead(without a head attached)!It is a horrific act to behead a dead or live human body with a "KNIFE". They killed him!He did not die of "natural " causes. Why are men willingly complicit to belittle violence, in what ever form it comes. Does it justify them and they have peace within themselves? I don't see it.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Another form of ignorant exclusivity.
Well, let me ask your opinion on this question.Did Jesus have a brother named Thomas?According to the canonized gospels,he did.Or was it ,again a mistranslation?Cousin?What does the Greek translate to.I need a site that gives the Greek/English,side by side.The reason is that I have from a catholic reference to Thomas[ Thomas was referred to as Didymus(the twin) only in John(11:16,20:24,21:2) ]the twin(dydimus), stating he was his brother.Now this is a calendar with the imprimatur,official stamp of the Vatican,and this years edition to boot.Now I have a reference going a bit further stating that he was called a twin because he was literally his twin.Now him being Jesus's twin is hard to fathom(considering I've never heard of Marys double birthing)...but if he was his brother it is possible that he had a strong resemblance to Jesus,hence being called his twin and brother.Now , I just got into it with some street "preacher" standing on the other side of the street of the library, who first stated that only the elect will enter the kingdom of heaven(which is ,according to Jesus,within us) and out of his ignorance stated with malice that he" loved" me, despite my person not getting into the "kingdom" as a result of my questions and challenges to him.He can't "love" me , he does not know me to love me.Sugar coated sarcasm.He stated that Mary had no other children, hence his statement that Jesus was the only "Son of God"(that wasn't the question).That is why he got mad.When I asked "was it not possible that Mary had other children other than Jesus after His birth?"(The Lord's brothers were James, Joses, Simon, and Judas. James the Apostle was killed by Herod early on(Acts12:2), and James the Lords brother became a believer and wrote the epistle.), he got mad.I asked him to show me were in his bible it stated or implied that Mary was celibate( contraceptives not allowed in Judaic society) or never had children after Jesus.He got even madder!
Lets look at the the humanity of Mary and Joseph realistically.Sure, Joseph was possibly so traumatized by the appearance of the angel , the immaculate conception and the virgin birth that he never attempted to consummate his marriage to Mary and produce other children.Unlikely. It was Gods command to procreate.
Mary ,herself might have been unwillingly to consummate her marriage to Joseph after the birth of Jesus,claiming Holiness,"keep your filthy paws off my draws Syndrome".Unlikely.
They were both devout Jews. A devout Jewish couple would have done Gods will through the sacrament of marriage and that meant consummating the marriage if not out of love then duty."Go forth and multiply." What would the neighbors had said if Mary had not produced others besides Jesus?.That she was not holy?That she would have been barren( considered in Judaic society as a curse from God) would of have been abnormal.
This street preacher named James the Apostle(that is how he introduced himself) claimed the bible in his hands was perfect. I to an extant agreed.But , I told him a book did not limit God or Jesus in their history.Just because it's not in the bible , an issue is false?Dinosaurs? The other side of the world?Countless items.
Just because it doesn't say in the bible that Jesus ever took a wiz or pooped,we should understand that he never did?That's just an example. Just because it doesn't say in the bible that in his life ,Jesus was ever married, does that mean in his humanity that he did not see the beauty in certain women or find them attractive?I know that He, being aware of His nature, Son of God, did not defile their image with perversion or lust.But that is not the same as recognizing their beauty and appreciating that gift.
This man James, through his inability to be open and through his ignorance, claims exclusivity of Jesus.He crucifies my Lord on a daily basis with his hate and lies, over and over again.Because he "believes" he "knows" God.Jesus.He knows neither.
And as a result, he doesn't know me( or even makes an attempt to know me) and he can't truly love me or forgive me.Sugar-coated Jesus?
He stands on the corner causing more harm to those seeking my Father by propagating lies and half truths through arrogance, ignorance, bias, prejudice and exclusivity than he would if he just kept to himself and made an attempt to understand his disease and then from there to go on his search to find himself and God.Peace and wisdom,through the gift of the Holy Spirit, be with you all,including you my brother, James the Apostle.Amen(so be it).
Lets look at the the humanity of Mary and Joseph realistically.Sure, Joseph was possibly so traumatized by the appearance of the angel , the immaculate conception and the virgin birth that he never attempted to consummate his marriage to Mary and produce other children.Unlikely. It was Gods command to procreate.
Mary ,herself might have been unwillingly to consummate her marriage to Joseph after the birth of Jesus,claiming Holiness,"keep your filthy paws off my draws Syndrome".Unlikely.
They were both devout Jews. A devout Jewish couple would have done Gods will through the sacrament of marriage and that meant consummating the marriage if not out of love then duty."Go forth and multiply." What would the neighbors had said if Mary had not produced others besides Jesus?.That she was not holy?That she would have been barren( considered in Judaic society as a curse from God) would of have been abnormal.
This street preacher named James the Apostle(that is how he introduced himself) claimed the bible in his hands was perfect. I to an extant agreed.But , I told him a book did not limit God or Jesus in their history.Just because it's not in the bible , an issue is false?Dinosaurs? The other side of the world?Countless items.
Just because it doesn't say in the bible that Jesus ever took a wiz or pooped,we should understand that he never did?That's just an example. Just because it doesn't say in the bible that in his life ,Jesus was ever married, does that mean in his humanity that he did not see the beauty in certain women or find them attractive?I know that He, being aware of His nature, Son of God, did not defile their image with perversion or lust.But that is not the same as recognizing their beauty and appreciating that gift.
This man James, through his inability to be open and through his ignorance, claims exclusivity of Jesus.He crucifies my Lord on a daily basis with his hate and lies, over and over again.Because he "believes" he "knows" God.Jesus.He knows neither.
And as a result, he doesn't know me( or even makes an attempt to know me) and he can't truly love me or forgive me.Sugar-coated Jesus?
He stands on the corner causing more harm to those seeking my Father by propagating lies and half truths through arrogance, ignorance, bias, prejudice and exclusivity than he would if he just kept to himself and made an attempt to understand his disease and then from there to go on his search to find himself and God.Peace and wisdom,through the gift of the Holy Spirit, be with you all,including you my brother, James the Apostle.Amen(so be it).
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The declining Clergy in the catholic Church?
A deacon at one of the church's I attend justified the only recourse available for the issue of the declining priesthood was to make more deacons, stating , that according to scripture and custom, that only men were chosen to go out and take up the slack caused by the neglect .This is the actual reading for the day and he was referring to it. Make more deacons!the process takes the minimum of 4 years,as I understood.He failed to notice that the sentence right before the names of the men who were chosen ,through prayer and the guidance of the Holy spirit. "The proposal was acceptable to the whole community." Now , I know that this is not acceptable to all of the community,as it is impractical and that we also have an available pool of well qualified people that is ready to serve in the capacity of priest. It is impractical due to the fact that the deacon is limited in what sacraments he may perform,important ones. He cannot absolve sin,celebrate mass or annoint the sick(http://www.nbc4.com/pope-benedict/15822324/detail.html).These things stated by the deacon during his sermon.
ActsChapter 6 http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/acts/acts6.htm
1
1 At that time, as the number of disciples continued to grow, the Hellenists complained against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.
2
2 So the Twelve called together the community of the disciples and said, "It is not right for us to neglect the word of God to serve at table. 3
3
Brothers, select from among you seven reputable men, filled with the Spirit and wisdom, whom we shall appoint to this task,
4
whereas we shall devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word."
5
The proposal was acceptable to the whole community, so they chose Stephen, a man filled with faith and the holy Spirit, also Philip, Prochorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicholas of Antioch, a convert to Judaism.
6
They presented these men to the apostles who prayed and laid hands on them. 4
7
The word of God continued to spread, and the number of the disciples in Jerusalem increased greatly; even a large group of priests were becoming obedient to the faith.
Now,as a result of the Judaic norms of the society, it seems ,according to Acts, that women were excluded in the selection.But this is only according to the canonized works.Agendas.
2000 years later this injustice of exclusion is still prevalent in the Roman Catholic Church.
We have a worthy group of sincere people who would love to serve God in the capacity of priest.Married men.Women.Capable of serving NOW!
Of course, the church would have to reverse several hundred years of dictations of men and possibly acknowledge the agendas that have kept people of faith ,at bay.Control,Power and Greed.Lets not forget arrogance. It was not done out of ignorance.That is why it is not included,as much as I would want this to be the case.
Many other sects and factions of Christianity are looking at this issue and some are even doing Gods will by inclusion.
The Roman Catholic Church is being left behind. It is complacent.It is stagnant. The priesthood is declining. I love this Church and the beauties it is afforded through the sacraments and its tremulous and turmoiled history.We are evolving as a Church!
The Prodigal Son? Received inheritance?Squandered wealth?
"And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death(hell) shall not prevail against it"......True. But , how much more shame and hate shall be inflicted on the people of God as a result of the stiff neckedness,hardness of heart of a few
who , refuse to see ,that if they only did the right thing....no one would lose.Including them.
1 PeterChapter 2
1
1 Rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, insincerity, envy, and all slander;
2
like newborn infants, long for pure spiritual milk so that through it you may grow into salvation,
3
for you have tasted that the Lord is good. 2
4
Come to him, a living stone, 3 rejected by human beings but chosen and precious in the sight of God,
5
and, like living stones, let yourselves be built 4 into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
6
For it says in scripture: "Behold, I am laying a stone in Zion, a cornerstone, chosen and precious, and whoever believes in it shall not be put to shame."
7
Therefore, its value is for you who have faith, but for those without faith: "The stone which the builders rejected has become the cornerstone,"
8
and "A stone that will make people stumble, and a rock that will make them fall." They stumble by disobeying the word, as is their destiny.
9
5 But you are "a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you may announce the praises" of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
10
Once you were "no people" but now you are God's people; you "had not received mercy" but now you have received mercy.
I am not offended at the insults and lies directed at my person. Some of you hope that I will just go away.
Your own guilt and shame inflict and cause you pain. But I understand the nature of the disease...or would you not be at peace with the decisions and actions that would cause me to live in the street like an unwanted stray...hungry,thirsty,tired and alone?My Father would give me the money for my needs,but obviously he didn't and I was sent to you and the charitable organizations that were set up to help people such as I.
Yes,it is an injustice what has been afforded to my person by the lies and dysfunction of those complicit in these actions or inaction's ..or just plain dragging of the feet. Are you not aware that I know of the gossiping lies? You think all these things were done in secret. My Father sees all. I am aware.I am not offended of your condition. I love you.I forgive you. But ,please stop for your sake! Injustices are repaid with injustice.Unexpectedly.To those we love.Even you ,have those you love.What is it about me that offends you so? If you spent some time to know me ,your fear would leave. Your true fear is that you know that you would love me. Loving someone you had dreamed .the dream is real.that scares you. It's OKAY! I Love YOU....no matter what. My pain and tears are for you. You are worthy, for me to shed my precious tears over . That is the beauty you need. It is real.This your medicine.Accordingly due!
ActsChapter 6 http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/acts/acts6.htm
1
1 At that time, as the number of disciples continued to grow, the Hellenists complained against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.
2
2 So the Twelve called together the community of the disciples and said, "It is not right for us to neglect the word of God to serve at table. 3
3
Brothers, select from among you seven reputable men, filled with the Spirit and wisdom, whom we shall appoint to this task,
4
whereas we shall devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word."
5
The proposal was acceptable to the whole community, so they chose Stephen, a man filled with faith and the holy Spirit, also Philip, Prochorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicholas of Antioch, a convert to Judaism.
6
They presented these men to the apostles who prayed and laid hands on them. 4
7
The word of God continued to spread, and the number of the disciples in Jerusalem increased greatly; even a large group of priests were becoming obedient to the faith.
Now,as a result of the Judaic norms of the society, it seems ,according to Acts, that women were excluded in the selection.But this is only according to the canonized works.Agendas.
2000 years later this injustice of exclusion is still prevalent in the Roman Catholic Church.
We have a worthy group of sincere people who would love to serve God in the capacity of priest.Married men.Women.Capable of serving NOW!
Of course, the church would have to reverse several hundred years of dictations of men and possibly acknowledge the agendas that have kept people of faith ,at bay.Control,Power and Greed.Lets not forget arrogance. It was not done out of ignorance.That is why it is not included,as much as I would want this to be the case.
Many other sects and factions of Christianity are looking at this issue and some are even doing Gods will by inclusion.
The Roman Catholic Church is being left behind. It is complacent.It is stagnant. The priesthood is declining. I love this Church and the beauties it is afforded through the sacraments and its tremulous and turmoiled history.We are evolving as a Church!
The Prodigal Son? Received inheritance?Squandered wealth?
"And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death(hell) shall not prevail against it"......True. But , how much more shame and hate shall be inflicted on the people of God as a result of the stiff neckedness,hardness of heart of a few
who , refuse to see ,that if they only did the right thing....no one would lose.Including them.
1 PeterChapter 2
1
1 Rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, insincerity, envy, and all slander;
2
like newborn infants, long for pure spiritual milk so that through it you may grow into salvation,
3
for you have tasted that the Lord is good. 2
4
Come to him, a living stone, 3 rejected by human beings but chosen and precious in the sight of God,
5
and, like living stones, let yourselves be built 4 into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
6
For it says in scripture: "Behold, I am laying a stone in Zion, a cornerstone, chosen and precious, and whoever believes in it shall not be put to shame."
7
Therefore, its value is for you who have faith, but for those without faith: "The stone which the builders rejected has become the cornerstone,"
8
and "A stone that will make people stumble, and a rock that will make them fall." They stumble by disobeying the word, as is their destiny.
9
5 But you are "a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you may announce the praises" of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
10
Once you were "no people" but now you are God's people; you "had not received mercy" but now you have received mercy.
I am not offended at the insults and lies directed at my person. Some of you hope that I will just go away.
Your own guilt and shame inflict and cause you pain. But I understand the nature of the disease...or would you not be at peace with the decisions and actions that would cause me to live in the street like an unwanted stray...hungry,thirsty,tired and alone?My Father would give me the money for my needs,but obviously he didn't and I was sent to you and the charitable organizations that were set up to help people such as I.
Yes,it is an injustice what has been afforded to my person by the lies and dysfunction of those complicit in these actions or inaction's ..or just plain dragging of the feet. Are you not aware that I know of the gossiping lies? You think all these things were done in secret. My Father sees all. I am aware.I am not offended of your condition. I love you.I forgive you. But ,please stop for your sake! Injustices are repaid with injustice.Unexpectedly.To those we love.Even you ,have those you love.What is it about me that offends you so? If you spent some time to know me ,your fear would leave. Your true fear is that you know that you would love me. Loving someone you had dreamed .the dream is real.that scares you. It's OKAY! I Love YOU....no matter what. My pain and tears are for you. You are worthy, for me to shed my precious tears over . That is the beauty you need. It is real.This your medicine.Accordingly due!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Sex abuse scandal.injustice paid w/injustice.hypocrisy/agenda
1 Corinthians Chapter 6 From NAB(catholic)http://www.nccbuscc.org/nab/bible/1corinthians/1corinthians6.htm
Instead, you inflict injustice and cheat, and this to brothers.
9
2 3 Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites
[9] The Greek word translated as boy prostitutes may refer to catamites, i.e., boys or young men who were kept for purposes of prostitution, a practice not uncommon in the Greco-Roman world. In Greek mythology this was the function of Ganymede, the "cupbearer of the gods," whose Latin name was Catamitus. The term translated Sodomites refers to adult males who indulged in homosexual practices with such boys. See similar condemnations of such practices in Romans 1:26-27; 1 Tim 1:10.
See the relation.little boys(usually... altar boys) and priests.
Homosexuality:In discussing such attitudes, it is fundamental to recall that the term "homosexuality" is entirely problematic for the ancient world since there is no single word in either Latin or ancient Greek with the same meaning as the modern concept of homosexuality.
In my hard copy of the New American Bible, the above verse 1 cor6;9, sodomite =practicing homosexuals.In the NAB St. Joseph, sodomite=sexual perverts. See the discrepancies?Intentional!
First of all, lets get this clear.I am a follower of the teacher Jesus Christ(son of God)...his words and actions.Not of the good Jew,Saul, aka Paul,who went through a long and tedious evolvement from a murderer of the Way to a follower of Christ.And it did not happen over night or instantly,when the scales fell from his eyes.If you read his works in this context you will understand his true conversion(ex; women must not speak.Judaic societal norms of those times).
The administration of the Roman catholic church has always known the truth.They are learnt pharisees and scribes. Their agenda dictated that these truths be hidden through knowingly mistranslating the Greek to suit their agenda and at the least of the their actions, was keeping mum when other ignorants, through bias and prejudice,also distorted words and meanings to suit their biases ,prejudices and agendas.Time and time again.In the name of Jesus Christ.What an injustice to His name and to the world and humanity.
As a result of the hypocrisy,apathy and malfeasance, an injustice was paid with an injustice.
I know that my Christ never in the words and teachings attributed to him condemned what we now know as homosexuality.Two consenting adults of the same sex sharing a loving and respectful relation with each other.
As a result of the lie, many of these people are burdened and impressed with their "sinfulness".
They are shunned by most communities and churches.Their families.Themselves.They are inflicted with violence in the name of Jesus.They inflict violence on themselves.They hate themselves.They want to die. They are not afforded the peace that Christ has granted for all creation.They are told they are pigs , so allot of them live piggish lives. The dysfunction of their lives is a dysfunction of the world.
To remedy this sex abuse scandal is to start at the begining. Tell the truth. Be Christians and not Paulitians.Understand the gift of sexuality.Understand the gift of Love.Separate them. Then unite them.
The sex act is but a small part of our daily lives(if at all),don't continue to pervert Gods gifts through lies and distortions to meet your agendas .Peace be with you.
Instead, you inflict injustice and cheat, and this to brothers.
9
2 3 Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites
[9] The Greek word translated as boy prostitutes may refer to catamites, i.e., boys or young men who were kept for purposes of prostitution, a practice not uncommon in the Greco-Roman world. In Greek mythology this was the function of Ganymede, the "cupbearer of the gods," whose Latin name was Catamitus. The term translated Sodomites refers to adult males who indulged in homosexual practices with such boys. See similar condemnations of such practices in Romans 1:26-27; 1 Tim 1:10.
See the relation.little boys(usually... altar boys) and priests.
Homosexuality:In discussing such attitudes, it is fundamental to recall that the term "homosexuality" is entirely problematic for the ancient world since there is no single word in either Latin or ancient Greek with the same meaning as the modern concept of homosexuality.
In my hard copy of the New American Bible, the above verse 1 cor6;9, sodomite =practicing homosexuals.In the NAB St. Joseph, sodomite=sexual perverts. See the discrepancies?Intentional!
First of all, lets get this clear.I am a follower of the teacher Jesus Christ(son of God)...his words and actions.Not of the good Jew,Saul, aka Paul,who went through a long and tedious evolvement from a murderer of the Way to a follower of Christ.And it did not happen over night or instantly,when the scales fell from his eyes.If you read his works in this context you will understand his true conversion(ex; women must not speak.Judaic societal norms of those times).
The administration of the Roman catholic church has always known the truth.They are learnt pharisees and scribes. Their agenda dictated that these truths be hidden through knowingly mistranslating the Greek to suit their agenda and at the least of the their actions, was keeping mum when other ignorants, through bias and prejudice,also distorted words and meanings to suit their biases ,prejudices and agendas.Time and time again.In the name of Jesus Christ.What an injustice to His name and to the world and humanity.
As a result of the hypocrisy,apathy and malfeasance, an injustice was paid with an injustice.
I know that my Christ never in the words and teachings attributed to him condemned what we now know as homosexuality.Two consenting adults of the same sex sharing a loving and respectful relation with each other.
As a result of the lie, many of these people are burdened and impressed with their "sinfulness".
They are shunned by most communities and churches.Their families.Themselves.They are inflicted with violence in the name of Jesus.They inflict violence on themselves.They hate themselves.They want to die. They are not afforded the peace that Christ has granted for all creation.They are told they are pigs , so allot of them live piggish lives. The dysfunction of their lives is a dysfunction of the world.
To remedy this sex abuse scandal is to start at the begining. Tell the truth. Be Christians and not Paulitians.Understand the gift of sexuality.Understand the gift of Love.Separate them. Then unite them.
The sex act is but a small part of our daily lives(if at all),don't continue to pervert Gods gifts through lies and distortions to meet your agendas .Peace be with you.
Answered Prayers.Thank you Father.
Thank you for noticing the beautiful woman in me .The writer(Maya Angelou) I have heard of before and this is actually the 1st thing of hers I have read."Beautiful Christian Sister".You ,yesterday, were an answer to my prayers.I specifically asked my Father for someone to talk to. I asked for some one to invite me to their home .I asked that someone would invite me to dinner and share. I asked for someone to go to mass with me . I asked for someone to be a witness to the rejection and lies that I suffer at others hands.I asked for someone to help me in anyway they could.I asked for someone to inquire of God.Before ,yesterday, I had been alone for awhile. I was not alone for that day.All Day!It would have been a blessing if 1 or 2 of my petitions had been met and that would have been fulfilling of Gods promise.But, through your courage and willingness to do Gods will, He and you met, all in one Day these blessings.Blessed be God Forever.And blessed are you who heard God and responded , acted and provided a beautiful child such as me with love.I send forth my Holy spirit and the HOLY SPIRIT to you.Receive the breathe of life.And a special thanks to your husband, for you are one.He also receives my gift of love and kindness.I Love you both.FATHER ,SON and HOLY SPIRIT,AMEN.Gospel of Thomas http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/gosthom.html, Gospel of Mary http://www.gnosis.org/library/marygosp.htm and Gospel of Philip http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/gop.html are required reading.After, the Secret Book of John http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/apocjn-long.html Teodoro Leon
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
A people blessed by God and tormented by the Accuser
People of color, you have been deceived and hated for long enough. Your anger and pain is not offensive to me. I love you .But it is your responsibility and duty to accept the grace that has been afforded you, or you will continue to live in oppression. And through a deceivement, you will continue to supress, oppress and enslave yourselves if the Truth is not realised. You are free! You are healed. Your deep rooted pain has no hold on your true identity.
the prodigal son
Hello ,just read your letter . I can't help you if I do not know you.I'm writing to let you know that I may not be living at the address I gave you much longer,as I am behind on the rent and the agencies that promised me funds(community action,catholic charities...)have reneged on the promises or have just dragged their feet sending the check to my Apt.manager.Catholic Charities has taken over 2 weeks,after a promise to my manager for funds,in even acknowledging that they sent the check!CommunityAction said they would send a check for $150 and then when I followed up on it yesterday,I was told my app had been denied.So after 3 weeks of promises, my manager is in a position that I understand.I have no money, so the phone # on my card will not be active,as it has no minutes.On the subject of your demons:It is lauded that those at City church are trying to heal you by exorcising,but, and this is a big but,they are treading on dangerous paths.I saw no power or authority on their part that indicates they really know the nature of the disease( or the names).Self edification is not power or authority.Reading bits of scripture from here and there does not give you the education and tools to combat the sickness.I see they have no understanding .The reality of the matter must be exposed.You are healed! They would have no"mission"if you were healed ,so they impress on you your sinfulness. A lie! It is arrogance on their part.It is causing you more burden and confrontations."Forgiveness". This is the key.Our greatest enemy must be Forgiven .His sickness is what enables him to seek you out.And if you don't understand his nature, you can't forgive. And he continues to harass you , as a lonely pained child always does looking for some attention and acknowledgement,one who is hated by most of humanity for all the wrong reasons.He is separated from the presence of God.He is filthy, disheveled , alone and in extreme pain as a result of his arrogance that has separated him from his Father.He is the "Prodigal Son". An angel, created by and of God,who through the love of his Father, received his inheritance and squandered it.He could not understand that.He became a ruler.But he had no wisdom.And he was jealous of his brother and humanity.Now he is really scared and angry,for he had been released for but a short time.But the Father is merciful and kind and waits for his return.For all creation (seen and unseen)must acknowledge the Truth,that God is the Creator and must return to Him for wholeness and health.Lucifer was the most beautifulest of His angels and out of love allowed him the gift of his inheritance(the world).But the separation from Him was an education and preordained so that he could fully attain what he was jealous of ,the gift afforded to humanity, Flesh and Spirit.And in such,as the the antagonist of humanity,he does Gods will,to afford humanity,through the son Jesus the rightful inheritance of humanity, of all of Gods creation,"GOD".We,in our humanity and arrogance believe we can question Gods will,that He some how or another made a mistake ,here and there.Gods will is to draw all of His creations to Himself,rightfully. In Gods wisdom. All things that God made must eventually return to Him. Amen.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Perverse poverty induced by Crack on 1st/month.
(this gif. is powder Coke.the zinc in the choreboy and baking powder make crack smoking epedemically adddictive)
It is the 1st of February and the sickness is in full swing with all the overwhelming evil that permeates this period of time . I am suffocated by this activity. I cry and vomit . Every crack dealer is out looking for their prey. And they don't have to look too far.
I was at Franks picking up my computer and he was expecting me. Still , it was taking him a minute to open the door. They(being the friends that smoke crack and who usually swear they don't) catch me off guard each month on the 1st! I think they are doing better refraining from smoking that shit. Well that is according to Franks own testimony. He swears up and down that he doesn't touch the shit( for the last 2 yrs). And the whole month that leads up to the first ,while he is broke, he does just fine! I don't see any black crack dealers and smokers sitting up in his senior citizen public housing apartment all day long. Not one person. He has food to eat,cigarettes to smoke and toilet paper.But he is broke. And the money he is able to come by is only used for necessities. Knowing this , I visit with him every other day and smoke a joint with him. It keeps him healthy and he is able to resist the temptations, easier.
Well, he finally opens the door and invites me in , he is a little apprehensive. It is around 7:00 pm. The way his apartment is layed out, I could not tell there was somebody already in the place, as it was also sort of dark.Coming around the corner of the hall I see some
black scumbag(Frank is white) sitting on his bed trying ( not to hard) to hide something. I say hello to him and take a look at hs face. No doubt what this scum is doing here. There are "rocks" lying on the bed. Crack.Frank gives me a sheepish grin. But he is also embarrassed, red faced,trying to look apologetic!
Earlier in the day , around 1:00 pm., Frank had told me that he was feeling depressed as a result of a child support garnishment that took 300.00 dollars out of his 800.00 dollar check.Now he had only 500.00 dollars for rent and bills.Rent was $285.00.There looked to be more than 60.00 dollars worth of crack next to the scumbag on the bed.And that was just the appetizer.Frank would wind up spending far more than $60 by the end of the night. He would eventually be broke in a matter of days. The vicious cycle of drug induced poverty is repeated, over and over in many places across the city.
Take for example, Franks building , which is located at 13th and Classen.After about the 5th or 6th of the month, people have spent themselves into poverty and the " party " simmers down.
Not that their appetite for this evil poison has been satiated has this "party " diminished But it is over, because the crack dealers have sucked every last dime out of them. Including all possesions they were able to pawn off on the crack dealer.Stereos,microwaves,mp3's, cellphones,bikes...etc. Now during the rest of the month after the party, you will not see black males with blue head coverings
(the kind associated with the "crips" gang and the only ones I'm aware of that cell crack) entering in and out of the building(only one entrance) in droves.Come the 1st of the month the building is taken over by these crackheads and dealers.The population of the building increases 50%.Literally! These people don't live there ! They just prey on every person that does. Their presence is so pervasive it looks like they do live there.
I was at Franks picking up my computer and he was expecting me. Still , it was taking him a minute to open the door. They(being the friends that smoke crack and who usually swear they don't) catch me off guard each month on the 1st! I think they are doing better refraining from smoking that shit. Well that is according to Franks own testimony. He swears up and down that he doesn't touch the shit( for the last 2 yrs). And the whole month that leads up to the first ,while he is broke, he does just fine! I don't see any black crack dealers and smokers sitting up in his senior citizen public housing apartment all day long. Not one person. He has food to eat,cigarettes to smoke and toilet paper.But he is broke. And the money he is able to come by is only used for necessities. Knowing this , I visit with him every other day and smoke a joint with him. It keeps him healthy and he is able to resist the temptations, easier.
Well, he finally opens the door and invites me in , he is a little apprehensive. It is around 7:00 pm. The way his apartment is layed out, I could not tell there was somebody already in the place, as it was also sort of dark.Coming around the corner of the hall I see some
black scumbag(Frank is white) sitting on his bed trying ( not to hard) to hide something. I say hello to him and take a look at hs face. No doubt what this scum is doing here. There are "rocks" lying on the bed. Crack.Frank gives me a sheepish grin. But he is also embarrassed, red faced,trying to look apologetic!Earlier in the day , around 1:00 pm., Frank had told me that he was feeling depressed as a result of a child support garnishment that took 300.00 dollars out of his 800.00 dollar check.Now he had only 500.00 dollars for rent and bills.Rent was $285.00.There looked to be more than 60.00 dollars worth of crack next to the scumbag on the bed.And that was just the appetizer.Frank would wind up spending far more than $60 by the end of the night. He would eventually be broke in a matter of days. The vicious cycle of drug induced poverty is repeated, over and over in many places across the city.
Take for example, Franks building , which is located at 13th and Classen.After about the 5th or 6th of the month, people have spent themselves into poverty and the " party " simmers down.
Not that their appetite for this evil poison has been satiated has this "party " diminished But it is over, because the crack dealers have sucked every last dime out of them. Including all possesions they were able to pawn off on the crack dealer.Stereos,microwaves,mp3's, cellphones,bikes...etc. Now during the rest of the month after the party, you will not see black males with blue head coverings
(the kind associated with the "crips" gang and the only ones I'm aware of that cell crack) entering in and out of the building(only one entrance) in droves.Come the 1st of the month the building is taken over by these crackheads and dealers.The population of the building increases 50%.Literally! These people don't live there ! They just prey on every person that does. Their presence is so pervasive it looks like they do live there.(click on picture to enlarge)
This happens in almost every public housing facility across the city. In every cheap motel. In "every" neighborhood. To, believe it or not, most possibly somebody you know.Like William Fleming's son. Billy Jr.! Once a prominent car dealer here in the OKC. Now a family held hostage and terrorized by little Billy's disease and the people that go along with it.
The City Rescue Mission clears out on the 1st. That means that about 1/2 - 3/4 of the population goes and cashes their disabilty checks and head right for the crack house(smoke/crash place, as long as you have the money to continue buying and smoking) to spend the $800.00 to 1800.00 dollars on the party(literally). Others rent a room ,from the numerous motels that cater to this crowd ,and who ,as a result, profit excessively by turning a blind eye to this obvious activity.Then of course their are those that hop from friends house to friends house ,who share in the disease and will be more than happy to give them a place to "party " as long as the crack is shared.
All these people will be back at the mission in a matter of days, when the money is literally burnt and smoked up.The average stay away is 3- 8 days.
And when these people return, they are ragged , spent in many ways that have impoverished them.They have no recourse but to spend the rest of the month"living" at the mission,recovering, waiting for the 1st to come again, so that the disease is let out to run rampant again.And again.They are Poor in all aspects of their "LIVES"!I can count more than 30 people that I know who do this and have for 2- 3 years.They will never get out of the mission and have a" normal life".
Everyday, I pray specifically fot the healing and restoration that theses people need to combat this debilitating disease of poverty.May God reveal to you the true nature and consequences of this cancer.It is important that direct intententional prayer
based on the truth of this epedemic be made on behalf of all that suffer ,directly or indirectly, from this manifestation of evil. It is not the benign, comical poor mans recreational drug that it is portrayed on "Mad TV" or the "SNL" skits.Many of these people are my brothers and sisters.Your brothers and sisters.Aunts and Uncles.People that I love. And that you do to.
Pray.Be aware.
The City Rescue Mission clears out on the 1st. That means that about 1/2 - 3/4 of the population goes and cashes their disabilty checks and head right for the crack house(smoke/crash place, as long as you have the money to continue buying and smoking) to spend the $800.00 to 1800.00 dollars on the party(literally). Others rent a room ,from the numerous motels that cater to this crowd ,and who ,as a result, profit excessively by turning a blind eye to this obvious activity.Then of course their are those that hop from friends house to friends house ,who share in the disease and will be more than happy to give them a place to "party " as long as the crack is shared.
All these people will be back at the mission in a matter of days, when the money is literally burnt and smoked up.The average stay away is 3- 8 days.
And when these people return, they are ragged , spent in many ways that have impoverished them.They have no recourse but to spend the rest of the month"living" at the mission,recovering, waiting for the 1st to come again, so that the disease is let out to run rampant again.And again.They are Poor in all aspects of their "LIVES"!I can count more than 30 people that I know who do this and have for 2- 3 years.They will never get out of the mission and have a" normal life".
Everyday, I pray specifically fot the healing and restoration that theses people need to combat this debilitating disease of poverty.May God reveal to you the true nature and consequences of this cancer.It is important that direct intententional prayer
based on the truth of this epedemic be made on behalf of all that suffer ,directly or indirectly, from this manifestation of evil. It is not the benign, comical poor mans recreational drug that it is portrayed on "Mad TV" or the "SNL" skits.Many of these people are my brothers and sisters.Your brothers and sisters.Aunts and Uncles.People that I love. And that you do to.Pray.Be aware.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
burdens related 2 my Bright Nature.Pot.jail4me
An Essay on the events that occurred during 11/26/07-12/20/07 at the Oklahoma County Jail,Oklahoma County Courthouse; booking,detention,conviction,release?,release.
Cold.The whole experience resonates within you from the beginning with the physical,emotional,spiritual and
psyche coldness not achievable in too many places.And don't mistake coldness with (antiseptic)clean.
No part of this process remains kosher, it is tainted one way or another (ethically,morally,legally,physically,
medically...etc.) .
For some reason ,the handcuffs are the first hint of the cold to come,they seem to me to be just a little too
cold , to be natural.
You enter the jail through a bay that has metal roll up doors for the vehicle, you were transported in , to get in /secured.You're are then removed from said vehicle and then walked through two sets of sliding metal/glass doors , into the booking area. Immediately to your right are two holding cells for "inmates"(detainees) , that through my own personal experience/knowledge, have held up to 30 + people, at one time. The word "sardines" literally comes to mind when I think of the period of times I spent in them. There is literally standing room only.There are three benches that line the wall.The" lucky" ones have a seat. Though, one can only sit for so long.We "sat" ( I actually stood for the complete time, as did many others, about 80%) in this holding cell from 6:00 a.m. to about... 8:20 a.m. the 20th of January( the day they unexpectedly took me to court)
!Standing.Elbow to elbow.The whole time. The air must have been turned off during this time . We were all very hot( beads of sweat on my brow) and the oxygen was minimal( I was in a stupor).And though we were all crammed in like cattle, 75% of these "cattle" were talking as loud as Pavarotti sings at the Opera.Or wherever he sings.
To the left is the frisk down area. And a little further down there are windows you get seen at for a medical screening, by a "nurse?".Vitals, weight.....the scary questions...are you feeling suicidal? Do you have a mental illness? Have you ever been in a mental institution? Answer incorrectly and you might find yourself "restrained" for your own safety, in an extremely cold single man holding cell. Have I mentioned that everything is filthy? And of course their people skills are usually lacking...I know ,I know...take into consideration where they work and who they usually have to deal with(people not to happy to be there?).So I guess , their coping mechanism is to employ the tactic ofbeing the "cold" authoritative COUNTY(sorry).... , I mean OKLAHOMA COUNTY SHERIFF employee, pardon moi ! And don't you even dare make the mistake (like I did) and act like you know anything...like how to answer a question they asked! You might be labeled "uncooperative" and your screening is abruptly ended.For saving man hours, expect a little something extra in your check at the end of the week?
Now, after being frisked and property, hopefully all, logged in (and don't you forget the orange slippers,if nobody offers you any , get some) you are less your watch, jewelry, money, everything, basically, except your pants, shirt...uhhh, yeah, that’s about it, so don't forget those plastic orange slippers or you will be, walking in your socks (or not), for the rest of the booking process. At the least. Not rich? That’s at least 3 hours in custody for the booking process to transpire and those holding cells/pods down to the left, of frisking, are really cold. This is not at all by coincidence, either. A motivator, keeping the temperature at an intolerable level, has been employed by captors for applying certain stressors to achieve a calculated result/action from subjects in their control, for ages.
Space. You are acutely aware of how precious that area of space that your physical body occupies, becomes to you and where it happens to be, during your detention , at any given time.
To begin with, after frisking and property confiscation you are usually handcuffed to a rail on the wall, next to somebody you probably don't want to be "chained" right next to, on a cold ,metal bench, for at least 20- 30 minute(maybe hours) intervals. And believe me; they are in a mood such as yourself or worse! They take you in front of a Lt. of some sort, at another counter and they read you the charges that they are booking you under. Your bond. Sign here.
Then, you'll be probably right back to that same bench and the handcuffs(your hands are always elevated if you opt to sit on the frozen bench, at about shoulder/head level).And probably a new Buddy to meet/greet, and being so intimately close together, it would be impolite/improper(down right impossible) not to meet!
Then after a time, you will be moved from that bench and put in a "cold" holding cell with a lot more people you hadn't realized were there, a few feet from you. The whole time. Separated by a wall. A lot of people are going through the booking process. Cramped, hungry, cold, pissed off, scared and tired people, people who have been waiting in that cell "hours" before you. And then after about two hours (3-4?) they give you a ray of hope by taking everybody out of this holding cell (8-12) making you think you are going upstairs to "change out" into Detainee Orange Ok. Co. Jail attire. But....no !They are moving the group twenty feet away into another holding cell with even more people already there, who have been waiting longer than any of us "newer" arrivals(consolidation? psychological tactic? All and more).Now tempers are even more on edge, because of simple physiology ; people under greater stress than they are used to, eventually have to deal with the extra toxins in their systems, by excretion of all sorts: excessive sweating( rancid body odor), urination, and then sooner or later they are going to have to defecate. Or else be very uncomfortable. And very cranky! Most choose the later, thinking that at any minute, the guards are coming to take them to "change out" . Or else they are bonding out. Nyet . Nein . Wrongo ! Change out ,for the experienced, means your one step closer to the cell itself. One with two other people already in there, but the lesser number seems to make it more manageable for the person in dire need of evacuation, for lack of a better word. I’m trying to be delicate about the matter. But never worry, that won't be happening for a few hours, at the least. I believe I was held in these intake holding cells for 10-12 hrs total.
Loud.Either your hearing becomes acute or everybody is loud , everything is loud! Sound just loves to bounce off the concrete , glass and steel. People banging on the glass for some reason or another."What time is it?" "#$^^%$!@@*!" "We need food." All sorts of crap."Show me your titties!"And just wait until you get upstairs into your "own" cell. Hope you have some mutes for cellmates because for some reason the macho comes out and men compete(subconsciously?)for the title of loudest big mouth, and to top it off they also love to kick the steel door.BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. Concrete.steel.glass.(echo)(reverb).Grown men barking and howling like dogs and apes(literally).All night long.I don't know if they "regress", but the behaviors and mannerisms they display are primitive, if not just downright crass,uncouthed.Unbelievable! prolonged confinement in cells makes grown men forget their humanity, and they "cope" with the stress by displaying behaviors unbecoming to their dignity.They do not know how to cope.
Next step. After freezing for 12 hrs. in these meat lockers you are now read a list by the jailer, names are rattled off. "Here!" is what you start hearing and you hope for some reason your name is on that list to say," Here!" Now if your name is called, you are asked to stand outside with all the other 30 or so "Here"'s called out of that holding cell. Then the list is read off again and you start forming some sort of line against the wall. Now, if we are lucky, we start moving towards the other glass/metal sliding doors and down to the elevators, and not to another holding cell.
At the elevators, you are told that, when the doors open, you are to move in to them, face to the back and scoot in close...30 people plus the guard(s) . I think we went to the eighth floor. We all got off and were herded through a door that contained single plastic "mattresses" , just sort of thrown about. The" experienced" start claiming from the pile.(Lo and behold! If your not too shy and if there is toilet paper( or not), you can use the toilet that is here ; better not wait !) Then, in about 20 minutes, they start calling names again, and you start exchanging the remainder of your clothes for the jail issued Orange top/bottom and if you happened to have had no slippers up to now, it is really important you get them NOW! Most everyone is sprawled out in the mattress room(There are actually two separate rooms , one room has another counter, except this one has a metal screen and is manned by a few "inmates" ""monitored" by a jailer or two). They also demand your underwear and socks and exchange them for a pair of theirs....(jail issue)except these undies, they've only been used by at least 30 / 40?? different people .The number of individuals who have used these items is probably hard to establish, considering the various degrees of decay of said items. None of them even come close to "new". I don't know who monitors the condition of the items and how he / she determines the appropriate depreciation of item for it to warrant it be discarded and replaced with a "new?" item, but they need to re-evaluate the degree of wear describing the word "tattered" means, and see if it is a standard to be proud of or a word of scorn and shame.)If you are caught trying to sneak your undies in and FOUND OUT, your own undiesARE CONFISCATED AND THROWN AWAY ,right then and there(and so on the day you are released, you have no socks or underwear). Your jail issued socks and underwear are actually in your blanket roll (sheet, hygiene kit, and towel).
Now your name is called again and you are separated according to what floor you are going to be placed on (with your "new " mattress under your arms). You are led to the elevator, and again, same procedure, going in and going out. And now it is the sixth floor , my stop, and we ,who are lucky enough to get to the sixth floor (?),are led to a special holding area( an actual basketball court intended for recreation that is used for holding) that contains no restroom facility or access to drinking water. And the detainees are now unfolding their mats and lying on top of them they are so tired(some of course put theirs down and start pacing ) and getting comfortable. Not to comfortable, for they're sure they will be going to their cells , real soon. It is around 12:30 am -1:00am,at this time.I don't make it to my cell till 3:30am-4:00am (6c45).
Somebody was pulling chain and the cellmate who was looking out 45, was trying to convince me to go in 46(except 46 already had 3 people in it and I was not going to fit). Besides, that was the cell I was assigned to, according to the list they read off. Leon c45. 6th floor, pod C, cell 45.
And that is the cell that I entered, much to the disappointment of the two that were in there, one Frederick Lewis Brown and Jack Calvert ( black and white ). Freddie was waiting to "pull chain". That means he was going to prison. He was just waiting for the Department of Corrections to come and get him, which could mean a wait of about 45 days from the day of conviction. He’d been there since May 07.And was anxious to be out in some fresh air and feel some sunlight on his skin.
I made the third one in the cell and the steel bunks (designed for a two man cell ), were already taken, so I got to sleep on the floor with my head underneath a steel desk/table with two slots that acted for drawers , acting as a freezer(the desk ,not me ,silly). Did I mention how cold it is in the cell, bloody ass cold, and now my head is between three pieces of metal ,on a concrete floor, surrounded by concrete walls. Damn cold! I slept on this floor for at least two weeks, before old Freddie "pulled chain"!
Dust balls, bacteria, everything a person defoliates naturally, dirt and everything else that is tracked in on the bottom of those plastic orange slippers, is now going into my lungs and I immediately got sick and turned in a "medical request" slip. I believe the date was 11/28.
I was taken out of my cell on the morning of 11/30 and taken to the 8th floor with several other inmates(detainees) for what I thought was my physical ($8.00) and waited my turn sitting on the cold aluminum bench,handcuffed to the rail made out of metal piping used for plumbing. When it was my turn, and asked my symptoms.I told her I had angina, shortness of breath, testicular pain, the scars from the surgeries on my right foot were oozing a little "pus", as was the wound on my back. My diverticulitis was flaring and I was bleeding rectally. I had been diagnosed with anemia,asthma,masses in my testes(confirmed by Ultrasound),Staph infection( MRSA), and had two subsequent foot surgeries during my stay at Baptist Integris, for three weeks , from june-july07. She asked me what medications I was taking and what treatment I was receiving for the testicular masses and I told her I did not take most manmade drugs(allergic to most manmade substances), and besides that I had no insurance, so they only did an ultrasound for confirmation , but no biopsy. How do I manage my pain? Well, they did have me on morhpine,loritabs,fenegrine,ultram,and other drugs, but like I said, I am allergic to these substances and I started having adverse reactions, not to mention the fact that I could not afford the drugs prescription.I said the only thing that works for all the symptoms (IBS, seizures,testicular pain,...etc.) and that I could tolerate , was marijuana, though I did not like being stoned all the time I'm awake. "We are not going to provide you with marijuana while you are here!"she PIPED,incredulously! I did not ask or expect her to give me "pot", I was just answering her inquiry, how I managed my symptoms and why. Then said that she could not treat me for unconfirmed diagnosises, that is, until my medical records are faxed by my Doctor, to the jail. I told her the name of the Doctor, the hospital I had been admitted ,and she had me sign a medical records release and sent me back to the "cell".The guard was in a hurry. "Hurry up man ,I got to go" he growled.I had been the last "patient".
One whole week later, on 12/7/07 , I was again taken out of my cell and taken to a RA/PA on the same floor I was on(the 6th), and weighed (120 lbs). I had lost 10 lbs since the 26th of November.This woman now started to ask what I was there for and I asked her if my medical records had come in , as I thought that is why I was there, explaining I had signed medical releases on11/30.She said she had no "idea" if they had come in. I told her I had angina, shortness of breath, testicular pain, the scars from the surgeries on my right foot were oozing a little "pus", as was the wound on my back. I tried to show her the the "cyst"(abcess) on my back by lifting the the orange shirt and she said,"Eeeeeewwwwwww!" .But not in an amazed way . Rather, I thought she might start puking(she actually seemed that offended ), and the "eewwing" sound she made , started , before I even had started lifting the back of the shirt to show her.She told me to put my shirt down , while she was cringing away from me.
Then she listened to my lungs and said that she heard no wheezing and declared my lungs clear.Then she asked me what I wanted her to do for me ...and I replied that I would like her to treat me.She said that she could not treat any unconfirmed illnesses and I reminded her that my records had been sent off for on 11/30/07. After saying she could not treat undiagnosed illnesses before confirmation and declaring my lungs clear, she gave me a yellow piece of paper, that when given to the roving medic(some women pushing a cart full of pills,from pod to pod.) would allow me to keep an inhaler on my person , considering I kept the yellow piece of paper with me, too. She then told me ,that as soon as I get back to the floor/pod I was put on, to ask the jailer or the roving medic(right! getting anything from anybody who "works" at the jail is near impossible once your in that "CELL") for another medical request slip and that I should only write"wound care" on it and sign it(this would cost another $8).She did not treat the wound there at this time or give me any medicine for the infections. She said that she could not treat undiagnosed symptoms and I told her that all she had to do was examine me. She still did nothing.She had me sign a paper stating I had seen her.The yellow piece of paper had the signatures of a "Dr. Marcelo" and "N ? Plumblee?" I did not see any doctor. She then told me to get back in line.The guard then took us back to the "cells". He was in hurry.
Freddie and Jack were anxious to hear what type of treatment the doctor had prescribed me! I told them I had not seen a doctor and the only treatment they had given me was an inhaler. I told them of the things the nurse had said and the things she hadn't done. They were astounded ,indeed!They had a plan to get me some help!Well ,Freddie did any way.
The next day. Freddie has a simple plan . Simple , but effective, according to Fred! He was more concerned in having things his way and showing everyone how smart he was , than me getting treatment .His big plan, was to get the guard, next time he opened the door , to take me up to medical(13th floor) by screaming and shouting that he was tired of me throwing up all over the place and him having to clean it up, me being so sick and such. Now , I was sick, but I wasn't throwing up, yet, though I was nauseated. Well, around 5:30 p.m. , when the guard opened the door to pick up the "trays", Freddie started pushing me out the door and he basically started screaming.
I was taken out of the cell and presumably, on the way to the 13th floor to see a medical professional for the angina, groin and lung pain at the insistence and persistence of my cellmates to the guards ,by impressing to them ,the seriousness of my condition. To pacify the cellies, the
Jailer who signed me out on the log/in out register on the wall, took me to the ball court ,instead ,and left me in there for about 25 minutes. This is the place without available drinking water and no toilet facilities (see Section A-4) .After 25 minutes they "promptly" took me up to the 13th floor, which I heard was the medical floor. I was immediately handcuffed to the metal tubing running the length of the wall. Just then ,they had a guy brought in with a "real" injury.....he had been in a fight but it only looked like a couple lacerations and he was lucid, on his two feet and was not in a life or death situation ,but clearly in need if a couple of stitches.The guard said, that since they had to stitch him up it, was going to be a few minutes before I /we were seen .About ten minutes later he came to unlock us, but instead of taking us in to see someone, he instead said that we were going back to the 6th floor ball court. And that is where he put me and I stayed until 11:00 p.m , when they finally took me back up to 13th floor andI was asked what I wanted. I told the female guard, Cpl. King, that I was there because of testicular pain and chest pain and that I had a MRSA infection on my back, confirmed with my medical records, that should be on file. She asked me to choose which one was more dire and told me I couldn't have both, and I told her "I guess my testicular pain?", but that they were both related.
Then she said ,that if that was the complaint,there was not a thing she could do for me as it was not a life or death situation .Then one of the other female guards went around the corner from me and asked somebody else," What do balls have to do with chest pain?"
I answered," Having masses in the testicles, even though they might be benign, can still travel to other parts of the body, affecting other organs or that the pain that I feel in my testicle could be putting stress on my heart; plus any other numerous possibilities could be affecting these symptoms. A male guard sitting in an enclosed glass area ,that seemed to be where they congregated, then yells for me to shut my mouth...."not another word!" I tell him that I'm just explaining and answering what’s wrong with me to the guard! Again ,he says if I don't shut up he is immediately taking me back to my cell. " I still hear something? Didn't think so! Uh-uh,
Don’t want to hear a sound coming from you". While he is telling me this the four others present, including a person dressed in a maroon smock (black male) were joining in harmony berating me. They left me handcuffed for about another 15 minutes, before the guard that originally removed me from the cell, at 5:30 p.m., returned and told me to hurry up, as he had to go soon(now it is 11:15). I told him it was not up to me how fast they saw me, and in fact I hadn't even been seen. The guard walked in to the area where the man in the purple smock was, who had told me ,"I can only treat life and death situations", and asked him if he could sign off on me, as he was getting off shift soon. This medical person said there was nothing he could do for me except put in my chart a note stating I was to see Dr. Marcellos 1st thing Monday morning. He didn't listen to my heart, lungs....etc. He just said he couldn't do anything. Then the tall black guard who took me out of the cell at 5:30 p.m. ,earlier that evening, returned me to it at 11:30 p.m.He was in a hurry.
Never did I see a" Dr.Marcellos", another nurse, or get a response from the many medical slips I had turned in,from the time of 12/8 until they let me out the front door(and of course, it started snowing and sleeting , with the wind howling, the minute I stepped out of the jail!) on saturday, 12/22/07 !
Now Freddie and Jack were sure that I had received some treatment and were beaming with the fact that 'they had done it!' "You see what I can do , with the power I command here ,don't you now?"Freddie piped! Yeah , I sure do see what your power can get me. About 6 hours of being held in the ball court cold,thirsty,sick and having to use the restroom!Then get up to the 13th floor around 11:00 p.m. and told that they can't do anything for me unless it's a life and death situation.
" Didn't you tell them like I told you to tell them??!!"(freddie is more upset than I am, not for concern of my health, but because freddie is not RIGHT this time. Must have been something I did or didn't do!) Yes ,Freddie, Don't you think I told them "something" after freezing my ass off for the last 6 hours.They just don't care!They are complicit in their actions(Freddie and Jack barely understood the meaning of some words but they liked it when I used words they were not used to ,it made them feel like I was talking to them on a common level.)They do these things that are not right and profitable to them because they think all the these things are done in secret, that nobody knows and that they will never be held accountable.They forget about WHO is able to see and comprehend all.God put these men and women in positions of power and authority.If they insist on knowingly not doing right and profiting off the suffering of humans as the direct result of unjust laws of their design,...they will be given the chance to correct their behaviors and the measures they take on their" own" citizens who are under their care and ward, to their credit.Then they can say,"We were ignorant of our offenses to God and His people, but now that God has made me aware of these grievances, I repent and correct the wrongs. By Gods grace, I am able to redeem my self, through my own volition I repent" , without being questioned on the merit of the acts, as God Himself has allowed for redemption through His Truth and Mercy , Rightousness and Compassion.And If they refuse and continue in their filthy ways, God will remove them from their prestigous positions and correct their abuses ,with no credit due them. As He has always removed those from positions of power and authority, when they've become too drunk on the profit of the suffering.
Just do the right thing. We all acknowledge that we are aware of the difference between right and wrong.It's not black and white, but we inherently are able to distinguish( even those that love evil) the basis between Good and evil...do not steal...murder...covet..and have no other idols as gods before the ONE GOD and to love Him with all your mind ,heart and soul and to love His creation, as such.This I told to these men ...and they listened .Then they got mad! Most people are not aware, that the things that run through their minds; thoughts...temptations that feel contrary to how they feel and and what they desire to do, are usually actual external stimuli(Satan and his minions evil motives ) designed to make the person"feel" it is part of their makeup . And if these stimuli are applied for long, without the individual being aware of their origin and nature, he mistakenly makes them his own ,through default.He then becomes ashamed, convinced that these thoughts and the feelings he experiences are part of him. And he, assuming that these "thoughts" are his, wonders after awhile," what is wrong with me?And why?". And when he can't stop these "thoughts", he makes them (mistakenly,ignorantly) a part of him. And all he had to do, was to realize, what nobody had told him or given him: the tools to confront these lies; the Truth.That the Liar,the deceiver, the accuser of humantiy,SATAN ... that his greatest lie is to make you believe that he is part of you, unconditionally , by fooling you in to believing his 'Hates and Motives' are your own.If you' re having trouble with these "alien" thoughts and feelings in your mind and the"dirty, shameful"( especially for minor transgressions) way you feel , it's probably because it goes against your nature. The truly evil person has no qualms with his thoughts and actions, he relishes in the pain, suffering and perversions he can inflict on a person.The solution , is to first realize the TRUTH , that we are and always have been at spiritual(real) war with the adversary.That, being made in the image of God , we inherently are persecuted by the adversary, due to this relation and that we being the offspring of our "Father", have the right to refuse and rebuff these confrontations/accusations and to accept our true potential worth. And that is , not to be ashamed of our human condition and believe the lie : that we are impotent by design . That we are not worthy to be in Gods presence. By Design. God designed us, and there is no logic or reason to this accusation. That is Satans tool....to disempower and disenfranchise a person,to make him believe that he is powerless in the capacity of his human nature , by what the person unmistakenly believes is his "unmanipulated" will.
And that is why , eventually ,everybody gets mad, for Satan and his minions are hard at work to convince one that his filth is yours and that you could never be loved because of it.Shame.then anger.But these are all lies and temptations.It's not even a part of you or how you really feel.It's hard to convince a person of his true goodness, when for so many years,the lie has been reinforced,time and time again by the evil one , that humanity is unworthy of God. Who alone , can make this judgement, but God. God Designed us in His image. It'll take awhile for most to unravel the lies and start believing in the beauty afforded them by the simple grace of the human experience.But for some,Christ's Peace
and presence is so profound , that there is no doubt that they have been healed of this sickness of separation.The separation from Gods presence( the ultimate pain and lie) .
Now , Jack Calvert , is a self professed agnostic ( I think he actually said he was an atheist when I first entered the cell on Nov. 26) and these things I was saying was leaving some impression on him. Freddie was also interested in what I was saying. Of course, as result of his ego , his motive and interest was slightly different than Jacks'. Jack was agnostic as a result ( or lack of results) of, "God hasn't given me a whole lot of anything to believe in.....".
Now Freddie was a professed believer and follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.And he was a know it all. His arrogance blinded him to the fact that he was actually quite ignorant in many matters. I am not saying he was stupid . He just did not quite have the grasp to comprehend that his limited and selective knowledge actually made him sound pompous when he allowed his arrogance to override his brain. And as much as I want to believe his genuine desire for the peace of Christ in life, he was not even aware that was what he was missing, Peace. And that was a direct result of his lifestyle, actions ,mannerisms and behaviors. Simply put, he was a self described " Gangsta". He was really impressed with the " thug mentality". He was a really bad singer and rapper but that didn't stop him from imposing his racket on our ears, always self promoting how great he was , in all things. But there was no way that Freddie could convince anyone knowledgeable ,that while he was enslaving people and profiting off their suffering by selling them "Crack", he was also promoting Christs Peace . Murder,theft, violence, hunger,desperation,extortion by fear,rape and many more grievances against humanity ...these are evils that are essential for the "Gang " to flourish. Their agenda is to enslave,control,profit,kill,manipulate...as their evil , greed and arrogance dictates these violences against themselves! Freddie was not aware of the scope or extent his actions took on his own actual brother . He wasn't even aware that he had a brother. Imagine , wanting to make a profit off a pained Son of God by enslaving him with the addiction of crack. Now the Devil might like that scenario. "Blasphemie!",you say?Well read this...
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 ‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’ 41
“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; 43 I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ 44 “Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ 45 “Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 “These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
And when you encounter your brother ailing, in need of some comfort , you might wonder, maybe this person is Christ disguised , allowing you the opprotunity and honor to give Him something good from the "Father" !And instead you offer Him "CRACK".
Now, Jack was the brother that Freddie sold the "Crack" to and who profited from his suffering.Of course they did not know each other , before their introduction in jail.
But ,nonetheless Jack was vulnerable and in need of some relief when he met a guy like Freddie, some where, who asked him,"You party man? Want to party ,man?" . It used to be a sort of benign question meaning you were invited to a party,but what it means now...you smoke crack, I'll take you to get some! (and help you smoke it and spend all your money).
Jack ,not feeling the presence of God, asked ,through blind faith , for forgiveness from God for abusing himself.He was not sure if God listened to people such as himself ,but if he did ,he knew he needed the grace that Gods forgiveness gave ,the abilty to breathe deeply and richly.A sense of peace. The feeling that the hole inside us is slowly being filled with comfort.
Freddie resisted.Freddie did not repent.He went to prison with the feeling that he would be killed there by a rival gang.Or by his own.Or consider this, the little girl he got hooked on crack and who he pimped out and who then got pregnant and he kept on feeding her crack and pimping..., well he's bragging about it on the yard and he happens to be in the company of one guy ,he doesn't know ,who has a concern for this girl...maybe an uncle...brother..or a boyfriend who lost her to this "Crack" and now It has a face. He said he knew of God and that Jesus ,he believed in ,so that meant he was saved.He was not asking forgiveness for the abuses he inflicted on his self or others. He enjoyed being a "Gangsta" ,a Blood.He
was ready to go to DOC when the prison van finally came to get him and he
" Pulled Chain" . It's hard being in a cell ,mostly for 24 hours a day, for
6 months ,as in Freddies case.The "Yard " meant sunlight that he had not seen for the last sick months ,more open space.
But he left in Fear. And most importantly, he did not enjoy the hope or the presence of God ,that Jack felt, through blind faith. And repentance.
Well 12/10/07 , monday comes and goes. The promise of a doctor visit is not realized.Freddie and Jack rationalize the doctor didn't call me in for treatment because he hadn't even come in to work ,the ice storm and everything .Well, sure . Good excuse for them not to give me some form of treatment ,basic treatment! My heart was really hurting , palpatating and the abcess on my back had just spread to about a 3 in. diameter and protruded 1/4 in to 1/2 in. ,filled with pus.The front right side of my body, especially my chest muscle was painful to the touch.Sore.
With stabbing pains.My breathing was labored. My right foot , the two surgeries done in june, were very painful and a small amount of pus was oozing out of one. I feared the infection would spread, as it had on my back. And to top it off, the testicular masses that were confirmed in june /07 at Baptist were emanating a dull,burning ache along with a sweetly, sick , odor....faint ,but I noticed it. And I definitely felt the pain. I believe that I had become anemic again,considering I had been bleeding abdominally due to the Motrin I had taken for the pain.
To tell you the truth, to their credit, neither Jack or Freddie relished in my pain, but what most people do when confronted with another persons pain ,a pain that they can't help alleviate, is they, out of frustration and hopelessness, protect themselves from this pain the only way most people know how, by turning their backs ,walking away and/or victimizing and ostracizing the inflicted
human.They need to justify in their hearts and minds their impotence and apathy by faulting the sick. It was subtle. They think that it is easier. Maybe.
Control
12/11/07 , tuesday.Freddie is very depressed! He did not "pull chain" . Again ,the weather ,is blamed.He hasn't ordered much commisssary in the last few weeks, thinking that he was leaving any Tuesday, the usual day DOC comes to transport
waiting DOC inmates. And he was hungry and irritable, having got used to the extra food he was able to provide himself through commissary(as much as $100.00 a week).The food that the jail provides is minimal, the reason;profit and control.
And most of the guys can consume three or four of these trays, easily. Most Americans are conditioned to eat until their stomachs are extended. Full. Were it hurts. Unnatural.
I would estimate that about 55 % of the jails population spend more than $25 a week. 20% spend over $ 50 a week. And then there are those that spend over a
$ 100.00.
Where do they get all that money and who are they burdening by having this money put on their books? Somebody on the outside must put money on their books. I explained to the men that the reason that so many people in America
overeat is a result of the food Corporations agendas.
1) profiting by extending the shelf life of their products by adding adulterants ;especially preservatives.
2) Then comes the additives(phenalalanine,salt,bleaches,...etc.)that have a desired affect on the consumer.Control.
Basically , I told them why they were eating so much.They were actually starved.The foods they consume in mass quantities have little or no actual nutritional value. And the nourishment that these products do have is blocked from absorbtion by the additives/adulterants , bonding /encasing the molecules so that they can not be processed or utilized by the body.The more you eat, the more you buy, the more the Food corporations make.
And the listless American deprived of the proper diet has not the energy to properly function.He "feels" like he is "eating sufficiently" but he's actually consuming empty calories.Tasty, but mostly empty.
The fat is readily absorbed.
As is the sugar.Salt.caffeine.pesticides.antibiotics.
I was really amazed how much these fellas ate in commissary a day. That is the week they both got a load of munchies, the 1st week I was there. 4 cases of cup of soup.4 packages of coffee(ea. /3 gal.).Numerous candy bars(20?>).Beans and rice.tortillas.Pastries.Kool-aid. I can go on and on ,but the point is ,they ate this in one weeks time.Constantly!
And they were not even doing anything physical to justify the calorie intake . Addicted to food, for the reasons stated above .They can never satiate their appetite . And when the food ran out, it's not like they could walk to the store and get something to bring "home".
No.They suffered.They were huuuungrrry!
Self- induced? Crazy. Done out of ignorance through someones deceivement to promote an agenda. I told Jack and Freddie these things .And many other things.
They had never questioned the charges they were in jail under . Excuse me, let me clarify that statement.Frederick Lewis Brown was charged and convicted by plea . Jack Calvert was never charged( according to him).The judge or somebody asked him if he had the money to pay the back child support he owed and when he responded in the negative, the Judge gave him 6 months in the Oklahoma County Jail. He started questioning after sobering up and talking or listening to me for awhile.
Debtors prison had been done away with for awhile until just the last 20-30 years, that I am aware of anyway. And logically,wouldn't it be better 1st to garnish his wages,allowing him to work and pay towards the" debt" ,the debt the government has found necessary to impose on him. Sure ,it's morally and ethically wrong for this man not to" support" his child.Against the law? Sure ,now that somebody passed a law.Constitutional? The government overstepping its' authority and powers?
If the grown man has not learned how to manage his finances and provide some benefit to his child( and surely not just legal tender), then shame on the world that raised him.garnishment.
Then if that doesn't work, weekends in some working capacity to go to the" debt". There are various other alternatives that are beneficial to both child and parent.
Surely something that doesn't require some state agency getting involved just to make a profit and justify their existence.
Jail.Probation.Court.public defender.Prison.Sure, they are there for a reason.
Criminals.Real offenders of the peace and dignity of the people.Violence,Theft, murder,rape...etc.Serial Killers.Men intent in doing real"evil",whether it be the corporate executive who stole millions, if not billions,in their employees pensions,leaving them to destitution. Or the bank robber who kills during his crime,or the violent extortionist...etc., these are the men the judicial and law enforcement officials must protect us from, unless they want to go back to the days when every (alot) man was armed and revenge or justice was just seconds in the coming . Even though people have been as simplistic as ever ,from the begining of time, a cleary visible weapon on a person and the risk that a person might just use it ,made many hesitate and chose their words and actions carefuly,back in the days. Lest,they receive the immediate wrath of the offended.Now ,our government has disenfranchised and disempowered the "citizen" by making a lot Americans "FELONS".For things such as hot checks,non payment of child support,marijuana possesion(now just called CDS,controlled DANGEROUS substance),tax evasion...the list goes on.
And when examined for motive, prohibiting a non violent citizen from possessing a weapon and voting due to his classification as a felon,... logic dictates that it is not justified,considering the Constitutions guarantee that it is the right of all citizens to bear arms, and to exercise their right to vote. Factors required for a "government of the people" to run efficiently,with all the balances and checks in place ,to guarantee, that if/when that government becomes hostile
and cancerous to its people it shall be abolished through peaceful( an actual vote of the people,not an electoral vote) means and if those peaceful means are not attainable ,then it's the duty of its people to remove the offending group/faction by armed conflict,if necessary.The very "reasons " we went to war with Mother England.No taxation without representation(a vote ,representive of the peoples wishes and desires).The Kings military cannot confiscate private colonial weapons.See the connection? No weapons. No way to enforce an unblemished vote.No way to resist.No worries for King George.And mucho moola to boot for the King and his cronies! Freddie is depressed and Hungry. It is apparent on his face.
Again, another day, wed.12. Freddie is still with us. Of course the Doctor has not called for me to be treated.Weather is still bad.real bad. We can't really tell from the inside of a cell what is going on in the world.Except that it was really cold.In the cell.More than usual.The vent is already blowing air at full force, and we estimated the temperature to be in the 50-60 degrees farenheit range.Plus the cold permeating through the exterior walls added to the freezer effect. I ,literally ,had to put a towel around my face so that I could have warm air to breathe and then wrap myself with the threadbare sheet they provide.The air was that cold, it hurt to breathe.Then I tried as best as I could to cocoon myself with the thin,itchy wool blanket.To top it off ,the lint that liberally shed off this blanket not only wound up in my hair...but in my lungs also. I was really having a hard time breathing.And it hurt. I really hurt all over ,by now.The abcess is now starting to feel like some one is stabbing me in the back.LOL.
I really have been stabbed in the back several times in the past(1992) ,so I know how it actually feels.That's a totally other tribulation that I' ve had to endure.!Maybe I'll write about it soon.It's taken over 16 years to overcome the traumas associated with that story.It was very intense. But that story,later.
4:30 a.m. ,thursday."Frederick Lewis Brown ,your pulling chain!Grab your bedroll!" The guard hadn't even finished saying this and Freddie was already out of the cell.He was so very anxious to go to A and R(admitting and receiving,in Lexington ,Oklahoma).The tension had been thick between us the last couple of weeks. It was time for him to go meet his destiny.He did not bother to say "bye".
I got the top bunk. Jack, having seniority,got the bottom. I was really getting sicker.
Later,that day ,around 12:00 pm, Jack went to the GED class he had enrolled in to better himself. And to take up some time. H ewent to class about two hours each day.One of the best decisions he had made for himself, in my own opinion.It wasn't so much about acquiring the knowledge ,he thought he was required to memorize, that mattered. It was more about teaching him how to use his noggin! Solving problems analytically.Using every aspect of his human nature.
Somebody had sent to Jack in the mail , a dictionary , to assist him in his schooling. He was writing a letter one night when I noticed that he was becoming frustrated .He had been occupied with this search for awhile when he finally ,a little embarrassed,asked me , " I know this sounds stupid, but how do you spell "Goyl"?I"ve been looking and looking and I'm sure it's not here.The way I have it spelled here in my letter just doesn't look right."
I asked him to let me look at his letter . He had spelled it the way he heard himself pronounce it."Goyl". The trouble he was having in mastering the language was what most people who were learning english had, phonetic problems .The different dialects,inflections,accents and word usage distinctive to certain regions complicate the way we interpret the sounds we hear when one speaks and that such fluctuations can render an incorrect spelling. I explained this to him and he understood . Jack was not stupid, he had just limited himself in his elementary knowledge by not appyling himself at the time he was supposed to learn it. I am not faulting him ,shit happens .Wouldn't want to walk in any other mans shoes. Reading more, I explained, will allow him to familiarize himself with words and their correct spelling. Looking up these words will allow him to sound out the "proper" common pronounciation.And in English, the spelling and the pronounciation usually do not match ,hence the " problem". He asked me how I knew so much and I explained that most of it was a "grace from God" but that it didn't hurt that I had a couple brain cells and had somewhat mastered their function. And besides, I had attended OU from the year 1996-1998 and had mastered in Linguistics. My proffessor,Mr. Gui, was exceptionally gifted in his teaching and was able to demonstrate how simple human charateristics and mannerisms, enviroment and nurturing effect language and the way it is written , read,spoken and interpreted. Jack was beneficient of this teaching.
On Friday morning 12/14, we receive a new cellmate, a transfer from the 2nd floor. He was waiting to get extradited to Logan County and somplace else I can't remember.He was hoping to be able to make it out by Christmas. His name was Tim Cousins,from the Spencer area. Former Army cook from 1988-1996?Another poor soul with a self deprecation problem. He had been through alot of physical trauma.And it wasn't even combat or service related.Car accidents,attempted suicides and basic self abuse. He had spirit and drive though.He had accidentally left in the 2nd floor cell he had been transfered from, a sentimental picture of his wife and himself ,taped to the bottom of the top bunk . For two or three days ,he yelled ,screamed,hollered and banged the door at every guard and person he could see out of the little cell door window, to ask them if they could assist him in getting his picture back! Getting these guards and trustees just to bring us our scheduled meals required an act of God and Tim thought they were going to first remember his request and then go all the way down to the 2nd floor from the 6th.He even wrote request of staffs and notes on pieces of papers and gave those to whoever happened to be there when the cell door was open.But even as annoying as it was ,his persistence paid off. A miracle . The 1st guard he had asked days before,he was the one that brought him the picture.Tim was so grateful! He kept thanking him over and over.
The day before Tims arrival, Jack had shown me a sore on his leg that he thought was staph. It was raised,red and filled with pus. He filled out a medical slip. He wanted me to spell out MRSA for him. I told him that it was not a good idea to put Methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus down as his diagnosis . First , they don't like it when you know medical terminology and do a self- diagnosis . This is a direct threat to their job stability. Your knowledge might make them accountable and responsible for some treatment they might have to give you. Second ,due to the wording they probably might think that I'm juicing the inmates up with the hysteria of a possible MRSA epidemic. He put it down anyway. Of course he spelled MRSA right . And, also, Methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus. The rest of the medical slip was obviously grammatically incorrect and whoever would read it would notice a difference in the structure and syntax. After filling out several more similiar medical request slips, as a result of no response to his first inquiries, he realized it was probably better if he had left out the word , MRSA . From the time that he wrote that 1st medical request slip , until the time that I left the jail the 22nd of december, he like me , was never taken out of the cell for a medical screening or treatment.
I advised him to wash the wound and bandage it with toilet paper. Keep it clean. When he flushes the toilet , touch it with a barrier of toilet paper between his skin and the metal. The cell had never been cleaned.
We shit and drank out of a single device that served several purposes. It was designed as a sink, a toilet and a water fountain. The sink and fountain are located where the water tank would usually go on a standard toilet. Above and behind the "throne". Like I wrote earlier ,the cell had never been cleaned with broom or mop.Disinfectants?sanitizers?detergents? They never had been used in the cell. We kept it as clean as we possibly could with three people eating, sleeping ,and shitting everyday in such a small space.Not to mention the hair,dead skin, boogers and who knows what else falls off or is"flicked" off by someone. We swept the floor with cardboard and cleaned the sink by wiping it down with toilet paper(unused,clean toilet paper,silly!). Other than that, I'm sure the cell enviroment was an ideal growing medium for every known microscopic organism and his mother. And these people were walking on the floor barefooted! And if not that,they walked on the mattresses(yeah, Jack and Freddie thought I didn't know, that when they thought I was not looking ,out of laziness,instead of walking over my mattress that was laying on the floor ,when they had to walk from their bunk to the door,toilet, they both instead stepped on my plastic mattress.Hence the infection on my back. The sheet and blanket were not sufficient to cover the mattress and your person at the same time. So the part of your body that did not get covered was exposed to the plastic, laden with bacteria from the bottom of their filthy flipflops! ) we(I) slept on ,with those orange flipflops, the bottom an ideal transport carrier for all the other known organisms lurking outside the cell.
Tim had brought with him, from the 2nd floor cell, all the things he had accumalated(except the photo of him and the wifey) during his stay.And one of the items was a fungal ointment he had received to treat his athletes foot fungus. He wanted to be helpful, so he offered it to Jack as a treatment for his infection. I tried to explain to them both, that if what Jack did have was a Staph infection ,the fungal creme was not going to do much good except prevent a fungal infection and that it might even complicate the healing, Staph being a bacteria and fungal ointments intended for "Fungi" . "It can't hurt!", was both their response. Jack started having severe pain! His skin was hot to the touch. He described the pain at times as throbbing and stabbing. Tim,to comfort us, offered me and Jack a cup of coffee .We accepted! Keefee Coffee is the bomb! I don't like cocaine(abhor its effects on humanity) ,
but I liken the Keefee coffee effect on the mind as euphoric as the coca alkaloids. With out the crash. I, for a couple of hours at least , had a reprieve from the lingering fog of despair after drinking just one cup.And that is all I needed. I was satisfied. I felt a noticable increase in my sense of well being. We all drank our cups and got to know each other better. Jack tended to his infection , applying the fungal ointment and with Tims assistance, bandaged the wound with toilet paper.Then , Jack remembered that he had a gauze left by a previous cellie of his ,that he could apply. I told him ,that for some reason, cotton gauze helps bring abcesses to a head and draws out the pus.
Saturday the 15th of December arrives with Jack panting in pain.Tim has some Motrin that he gives Jack.
The gauze is soaked through with blood and pus. Jack can barely touch the surrounding affected area of the infection with out wincing and grimacing. Now Jack can really sympathize and emphasize with my infection on my back. And his is the size of a quarter at best and it still caused him significant pain.Mine was now about three inches in diameter and protruded from my back about two inches, filled with pus. It was so taut. And I could barely use my right arm. I couldn't lift it above my shoulder.My heart hurt with stabbing knife pains. I was really having trouble breathing, even with my inhaler.(I found out later that I had bronchitis @ OU Health 12/25). The testicular masses were also causing me low grade pain with extreme nausea.
The night before,concerned with my life, I told Jack, that if I happened to die while in custody,that he had the right to sue the county on the behalf of my estate for wrongful death ,malfeasance and negligence. Fearing that I had a good chance of dying in jail without any medical treatment, I prayed and asked God for some wisdom and comfort from the Holy Spirit. I was motivated to write to the arraigning judge,Judge Hall. I didn't include in the letter any mention of the non medical treatment or my declining medical condition to the Judge. I did write that I had not received any responses to my OR bond applications,or answers to most of my "request of staffs". I did mention that it was my birthday on 12/24 and that it would be a wonderful present if the judge could find compassion and mercy for my person by assisting me in my inquiries.I sent this letter off on friday, before the letters stopped going out for the weekend. I really was concerned enough about the way I felt to think that I had a good possibility of dying that weekend.
Saturday night I barely slept. My body was wracked with pain. I could not sleep on my back or right side. And I barely could stay on my left side but for short intervals before I would have to sit up . I knew that at any time my heart could go out as a result of the infection. I had been only eating once a day due to my diet restricting sugars. The beans that I loved to eat were off limits due to the diverticulitis and the extreme pain they cause. As was the milk.Lactose intolerant. The preservatives (nitrates) that were in the delicous boloney made me ill . Besides that, it smelled when excreted through my pores. Like I told Jack," I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!"
The next morning(12/16) Jack wakes me up at 5:30 and tells me that the oatmeal barely has any sugar! I thank God and eat it.
It is delicous!Of course "barely any sugar " to Jack means that the oatmeal has at least 3 tsp. of sugar. It was plenty sweet, but I needed it. I immediately started itching . A few hours later , the bottom of my feet were throbbing and sore . These were just some of the adverse reactions I had to sugar. Imagine if I had drank a soft drink with the equivalent of 10 -12 teaspoons of sugar in it, six times a day! Thats roughly 60 teaspoons of sugar in sodas alone, not to mention the other foods consumed in a day, all laden with sugar , whether they need it or not. By the next morning ,my skin will be red ,tender and beginning to flake and peel. Basically it looks like dandruff on my face. Hence, one of the reasons that I control my diet . It also makes my nerves more sensitive,heightening my pain awareness. Years of suffering and acquiring the discipline to limit my diet, has proven successful in , all areas of my health becoming better. But I was already craving "sweets" after eating the oatmeal! I couldn't believe that I was feigning for sugar like a " hard drug"! Let me explain. After purging my body of all these toxins , by limiting my diet(as best I can) , for the last several years , it has become extra sensitive to these substances and when I do consume them I feel them for the adulterants they are(bleached processed sugars are just a basic drug) . Acting as a stimulant with empty calories and no nutritional value.Thats why the food corporations add "criminally "excessive amounts to all foods.Read the label. A lot of Americans do, but for some reason ,they can't comprehend the amounts as being excessive.Come on,12 teaspoons per serv? I could barely wait for tomorrows "cream of wheat". I was actually eating these allergants as the result of needing the calories to help combat the infections and to give me some badly needed energy. Another thing, my intuition dictated that I eat. Something was telling me that I was going to be needing the energy soon, so I was to start reserving a supply.Other than being allergic to most of the food they served , the jail actually served some decent food. Not always warm. Actually pretty damned cold, at times. And of course, the portions were made for kindergartners.
Jack now can't lay on the side of his infected leg without it continously throbbing with pain.Nobody has come to take him to see the doctor. He has even shown a guard or two the wound with its oozing blood and pus."Better send in a medical slip....looks like an emergency!" they say. Tim is still with us, he has not been extradited. We didn't think a different county would transport a prisoner during the weekend for extradition. He was sure Logan or Garfield County would be there for him tomorrow, on monday.
I heard the guards outside the cells going from door to door ,asking the detainees through the glass window, if they would like to go "chapel". They had a man dressed in a a suit accompaning them. I think he was the preacher. I was looking out the window and it seemed that a lot of the "boys" opted to get out of the cells for at least awhile. I prayed were I was at, always."Church Service" was a sacrament extended to humanity to bring them together to share in the eucharist."Pray anytime.Anywhere."
I asked Tim if I could read one of the books he had.The only one he "had" was the Lafaye novel of the series "Left Behind". I really didn't feel like reading what I thought was a fundamentalist based fiction, but I was willing to read anything, so starved for reading was I. I read it in one day. I think it was the book before the " the Indwelling".The book was actually palatable. I wanted to read the next book now.No. I just don't(can't) really believe in the "Hollywood" version of the "apocalypse",
if "it" even refers to these times we live in and if the interpretation is true to intent. So many people are intent in causing destruction and exacting revenge to self justify and negate what they "think" to be are their shortcomings, instead of promoting the mercy,healing and restoration the Lord desires for His Creation. They equate their human desires with Gods will. But if that is what the whole of humanity wants, maybe God will let them have their " Fire and Brimstone" scenario ! I sure hope and pray not. We have all suffered enough, in my humble opinion.image info
12/17 monday.Tim is still with us. I again eat the delicious oatmeal. I can't believe how good it tastes. I pray that the food is sanctified and that we all are nourished by this food despite the mens groanings and grumblings.Well ,actually, I've been saying this prayer for awhile and it is Jack that has stopped complaining.So now I pray it for all the others in the Pod that might not enjoy their fare.
12/20 Thursday. I awake early ,anticipating that I may need to comb my hair for some reason. Immediately , a guard opens the door to the cell and asks me , "Leon?" Yes. "Lets go ,your going to court." I grabbed my inhaler, my papers, glasses and was out of the cell. I had not known I was going to court.My court date was not until 1/22 or so. But then I remembered the letter I had written to the arrainging Judge Hall. I felt the miracle. I was still not to let my guard down. I ate some oatmeal while waiting to get out of the Pod.For some reason,the guards and the trustees were taking their time leaving the Pod after serving breakfast.The guards then took all of us that ,were going to court , to the 6th floor "Ball court". It should have been about 5:30a.m.. Of course, they left us in this area for the minimum 30-45 minutes required for holding.Plus ,they also brought another 20 or so monkeys to keep us company.No body should have felt lonely. Around 6:00 am -6:15 am the guards called out the magickal numered 30 or so names . I guess that 30 is about the amount of people that the guards can fit into the elevator without causing to much fornication while crammed in so tight( there are perverts and sadist! And those idiots that decided to start jumping up and down while on the elevator until the guard said we would all be taken back to the "Ball Court " if it did not stop).Guess where our next stop is going to be after we get off the elevator? Right! You're learning grasshopper. Another "holding cell". These are the ones you immediately saw to your right when you first entered the jail. through the sliding metal/ glass doors.continued at ,sort of , ... violencerevengeforgive.blogspot.com/2008/05/Under duress,another pretextual stop (click here) How and why I was arrested illegally.
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