An Essay on the events that occurred during 11/26/07-12/20/07 at the Oklahoma County Jail,Oklahoma County Courthouse; booking,detention,conviction,release?,release.
Cold.The whole experience resonates within you from the beginning with the physical,emotional,spiritual and
psyche coldness not achievable in too many places.And don't mistake coldness with (antiseptic)clean.
No part of this process remains kosher, it is tainted one way or another (ethically,morally,legally,physically,
For some reason ,the handcuffs are the first hint of the cold to come,they seem to me to be just a little too
cold , to be natural.
You enter the jail through a bay that has metal roll up doors for the vehicle, you were transported in , to get in /secured.You're are then removed from said vehicle and then walked through two sets of sliding metal/glass doors , into the booking area. Immediately to your right are two holding cells for "inmates"(detainees) , that through my own personal experience/knowledge, have held up to 30 + people, at one time. The word "sardines" literally comes to mind when I think of the period of times I spent in them. There is literally standing room only.There are three benches that line the wall.The" lucky" ones have a seat. Though, one can only sit for so long.We "sat" ( I actually stood for the complete time, as did many others, about 80%) in this holding cell from 6:00 a.m. to about... 8:20 a.m. the 20th of January( the day they unexpectedly took me to court)
!Standing.Elbow to elbow.The whole time. The air must have been turned off during this time . We were all very hot( beads of sweat on my brow) and the oxygen was minimal( I was in a stupor).And though we were all crammed in like cattle, 75% of these "cattle" were talking as loud as Pavarotti sings at the Opera.Or wherever he sings.
To the left is the frisk down area. And a little further down there are windows you get seen at for a medical screening, by a "nurse?".Vitals, weight.....the scary questions...are you feeling suicidal? Do you have a mental illness? Have you ever been in a mental institution? Answer incorrectly and you might find yourself "restrained" for your own safety, in an extremely cold single man holding cell. Have I mentioned that everything is filthy? And of course their people skills are usually lacking...I know ,I know...take into consideration where they work and who they usually have to deal with(people not to happy to be there?).So I guess , their coping mechanism is to employ the tactic ofbeing the "cold" authoritative COUNTY(sorry).... , I mean OKLAHOMA COUNTY SHERIFF employee, pardon moi ! And don't you even dare make the mistake (like I did) and act like you know anything...like how to answer a question they asked! You might be labeled "uncooperative" and your screening is abruptly ended.For saving man hours, expect a little something extra in your check at the end of the week?
Now, after being frisked and property, hopefully all, logged in (and don't you forget the orange slippers,if nobody offers you any , get some) you are less your watch, jewelry, money, everything, basically, except your pants, shirt...uhhh, yeah, that’s about it, so don't forget those plastic orange slippers or you will be, walking in your socks (or not), for the rest of the booking process. At the least. Not rich? That’s at least 3 hours in custody for the booking process to transpire and those holding cells/pods down to the left, of frisking, are really cold. This is not at all by coincidence, either. A motivator, keeping the temperature at an intolerable level, has been employed by captors for applying certain stressors to achieve a calculated result/action from subjects in their control, for ages.
Space. You are acutely aware of how precious that area of space that your physical body occupies, becomes to you and where it happens to be, during your detention , at any given time.
To begin with, after frisking and property confiscation you are usually handcuffed to a rail on the wall, next to somebody you probably don't want to be "chained" right next to, on a cold ,metal bench, for at least 20- 30 minute(maybe hours) intervals. And believe me; they are in a mood such as yourself or worse! They take you in front of a Lt. of some sort, at another counter and they read you the charges that they are booking you under. Your bond. Sign here.
Then, you'll be probably right back to that same bench and the handcuffs(your hands are always elevated if you opt to sit on the frozen bench, at about shoulder/head level).And probably a new Buddy to meet/greet, and being so intimately close together, it would be impolite/improper(down right impossible) not to meet!
Then after a time, you will be moved from that bench and put in a "cold" holding cell with a lot more people you hadn't realized were there, a few feet from you. The whole time. Separated by a wall. A lot of people are going through the booking process. Cramped, hungry, cold, pissed off, scared and tired people, people who have been waiting in that cell "hours" before you. And then after about two hours (3-4?) they give you a ray of hope by taking everybody out of this holding cell (8-12) making you think you are going upstairs to "change out" into Detainee Orange Ok. Co. Jail attire. But....no !They are moving the group twenty feet away into another holding cell with even more people already there, who have been waiting longer than any of us "newer" arrivals(consolidation? psychological tactic? All and more).Now tempers are even more on edge, because of simple physiology ; people under greater stress than they are used to, eventually have to deal with the extra toxins in their systems, by excretion of all sorts: excessive sweating( rancid body odor), urination, and then sooner or later they are going to have to defecate. Or else be very uncomfortable. And very cranky! Most choose the later, thinking that at any minute, the guards are coming to take them to "change out" . Or else they are bonding out. Nyet . Nein . Wrongo ! Change out ,for the experienced, means your one step closer to the cell itself. One with two other people already in there, but the lesser number seems to make it more manageable for the person in dire need of evacuation, for lack of a better word. I’m trying to be delicate about the matter. But never worry, that won't be happening for a few hours, at the least. I believe I was held in these intake holding cells for 10-12 hrs total.
Loud.Either your hearing becomes acute or everybody is loud , everything is loud! Sound just loves to bounce off the concrete , glass and steel. People banging on the glass for some reason or another."What time is it?" "#$^^%$!@@*!" "We need food." All sorts of crap."Show me your titties!"And just wait until you get upstairs into your "own" cell. Hope you have some mutes for cellmates because for some reason the macho comes out and men compete(subconsciously?)for the title of loudest big mouth, and to top it off they also love to kick the steel door.BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. Concrete.steel.glass.(echo)(reverb).Grown men barking and howling like dogs and apes(literally).All night long.I don't know if they "regress", but the behaviors and mannerisms they display are primitive, if not just downright crass,uncouthed.Unbelievable! prolonged confinement in cells makes grown men forget their humanity, and they "cope" with the stress by displaying behaviors unbecoming to their dignity.They do not know how to cope.
Next step. After freezing for 12 hrs. in these meat lockers you are now read a list by the jailer, names are rattled off. "Here!" is what you start hearing and you hope for some reason your name is on that list to say," Here!" Now if your name is called, you are asked to stand outside with all the other 30 or so "Here"'s called out of that holding cell. Then the list is read off again and you start forming some sort of line against the wall. Now, if we are lucky, we start moving towards the other glass/metal sliding doors and down to the elevators, and not to another holding cell.
At the elevators, you are told that, when the doors open, you are to move in to them, face to the back and scoot in close...30 people plus the guard(s) . I think we went to the eighth floor. We all got off and were herded through a door that contained single plastic "mattresses" , just sort of thrown about. The" experienced" start claiming from the pile.(Lo and behold! If your not too shy and if there is toilet paper( or not), you can use the toilet that is here ; better not wait !) Then, in about 20 minutes, they start calling names again, and you start exchanging the remainder of your clothes for the jail issued Orange top/bottom and if you happened to have had no slippers up to now, it is really important you get them NOW! Most everyone is sprawled out in the mattress room(There are actually two separate rooms , one room has another counter, except this one has a metal screen and is manned by a few "inmates" ""monitored" by a jailer or two). They also demand your underwear and socks and exchange them for a pair of theirs....(jail issue)except these undies, they've only been used by at least 30 / 40?? different people .The number of individuals who have used these items is probably hard to establish, considering the various degrees of decay of said items. None of them even come close to "new". I don't know who monitors the condition of the items and how he / she determines the appropriate depreciation of item for it to warrant it be discarded and replaced with a "new?" item, but they need to re-evaluate the degree of wear describing the word "tattered" means, and see if it is a standard to be proud of or a word of scorn and shame.)If you are caught trying to sneak your undies in and FOUND OUT, your own undiesARE CONFISCATED AND THROWN AWAY ,right then and there(and so on the day you are released, you have no socks or underwear). Your jail issued socks and underwear are actually in your blanket roll (sheet, hygiene kit, and towel).
Now your name is called again and you are separated according to what floor you are going to be placed on (with your "new " mattress under your arms). You are led to the elevator, and again, same procedure, going in and going out. And now it is the sixth floor , my stop, and we ,who are lucky enough to get to the sixth floor (?),are led to a special holding area( an actual basketball court intended for recreation that is used for holding) that contains no restroom facility or access to drinking water. And the detainees are now unfolding their mats and lying on top of them they are so tired(some of course put theirs down and start pacing ) and getting comfortable. Not to comfortable, for they're sure they will be going to their cells , real soon. It is around 12:30 am -1:00am,at this time.I don't make it to my cell till 3:30am-4:00am (6c45).
Somebody was pulling chain and the cellmate who was looking out 45, was trying to convince me to go in 46(except 46 already had 3 people in it and I was not going to fit). Besides, that was the cell I was assigned to, according to the list they read off. Leon c45. 6th floor, pod C, cell 45.
And that is the cell that I entered, much to the disappointment of the two that were in there, one Frederick Lewis Brown and Jack Calvert ( black and white ). Freddie was waiting to "pull chain". That means he was going to prison. He was just waiting for the Department of Corrections to come and get him, which could mean a wait of about 45 days from the day of conviction. He’d been there since May 07.And was anxious to be out in some fresh air and feel some sunlight on his skin.
I made the third one in the cell and the steel bunks (designed for a two man cell ), were already taken, so I got to sleep on the floor with my head underneath a steel desk/table with two slots that acted for drawers , acting as a freezer(the desk ,not me ,silly). Did I mention how cold it is in the cell, bloody ass cold, and now my head is between three pieces of metal ,on a concrete floor, surrounded by concrete walls. Damn cold! I slept on this floor for at least two weeks, before old Freddie "pulled chain"!
Dust balls, bacteria, everything a person defoliates naturally, dirt and everything else that is tracked in on the bottom of those plastic orange slippers, is now going into my lungs and I immediately got sick and turned in a "medical request" slip. I believe the date was 11/28.
"We are not going to provide you with marijuana while you are here!"she PIPED,incredulously! I did not ask or expect her to give me "pot", I was just answering her inquiry, how I managed my symptoms and why. Then said that she could not treat me for unconfirmed diagnosises, that is, until my medical records are faxed by my Doctor, to the jail. I told her the name of the Doctor, the hospital I had been admitted ,and she had me sign a medical records release and sent me back to the "cell".The guard was in a hurry. "Hurry up man ,I got to go" he growled.I had been the last "patient".
One whole week later, on 12/7/07 , I was again taken out of my cell and taken to a RA/PA on the same floor I was on(the 6th), and weighed (120 lbs). I had lost 10 lbs since the 26th of November.This woman now started to ask what I was there for and I asked her if my medical records had come in , as I thought that is why I was there, explaining I had signed medical releases on11/30.She said she had no "idea" if they had come in. I told her I had angina, shortness of breath, testicular pain, the scars from the surgeries on my right foot were oozing a little "pus", as was the wound on my back. I tried to show her the the "cyst"(abcess) on my back by lifting the the orange shirt and she said,"Eeeeeewwwwwww!" .But not in an amazed way . Rather, I thought she might start puking(she actually seemed that offended ), and the "eewwing" sound she made , started , before I even had started lifting the back of the shirt to show her.She told me to put my shirt down , while she was cringing away from me.
Then she listened to my lungs and said that she heard no wheezing and declared my lungs clear.Then she asked me what I wanted her to do for me ...and I replied that I would like her to treat me.She said that she could not treat any unconfirmed illnesses and I reminded her that my records had been sent off for on 11/30/07. After saying she could not treat undiagnosed illnesses before confirmation and declaring my lungs clear, she gave me a yellow piece of paper, that when given to the roving medic(some women pushing a cart full of pills,from pod to pod.) would allow me to keep an inhaler on my person , considering I kept the yellow piece of paper with me, too. She then told me ,that as soon as I get back to the floor/pod I was put on, to ask the jailer or the roving medic(right! getting anything from anybody who "works" at the jail is near impossible once your in that "CELL") for another medical request slip and that I should only write"wound care" on it and sign it(this would cost another $8).She did not treat the wound there at this time or give me any medicine for the infections. She said that she could not treat undiagnosed symptoms and I told her that all she had to do was examine me. She still did nothing.She had me sign a paper stating I had seen her.The yellow piece of paper had the signatures of a "Dr. Marcelo" and "N ? Plumblee?" I did not see any doctor. She then told me to get back in line.The guard then took us back to the "cells". He was in hurry.
Freddie and Jack were anxious to hear what type of treatment the doctor had prescribed me! I told them I had not seen a doctor and the only treatment they had given me was an inhaler. I told them of the things the nurse had said and the things she hadn't done. They were astounded ,indeed!They had a plan to get me some help!Well ,Freddie did any way.
The next day. Freddie has a simple plan . Simple , but effective, according to Fred! He was more concerned in having things his way and showing everyone how smart he was , than me getting treatment .His big plan, was to get the guard, next time he opened the door , to take me up to medical(13th floor) by screaming and shouting that he was tired of me throwing up all over the place and him having to clean it up, me being so sick and such. Now , I was sick, but I wasn't throwing up, yet, though I was nauseated. Well, around 5:30 p.m. , when the guard opened the door to pick up the "trays", Freddie started pushing me out the door and he basically started screaming.
I was taken out of the cell and presumably, on the way to the 13th floor to see a medical professional for the angina, groin and lung pain at the insistence and persistence of my cellmates to the guards ,by impressing to them ,the seriousness of my condition. To pacify the cellies, the
Jailer who signed me out on the log/in out register on the wall, took me to the ball court ,instead ,and left me in there for about 25 minutes. This is the place without available drinking water and no toilet facilities (see Section A-4) .After 25 minutes they "promptly" took me up to the 13th floor, which I heard was the medical floor. I was immediately handcuffed to the metal tubing running the length of the wall. Just then ,they had a guy brought in with a "real" injury.....he had been in a fight but it only looked like a couple lacerations and he was lucid, on his two feet and was not in a life or death situation ,but clearly in need if a couple of stitches.The guard said, that since they had to stitch him up it, was going to be a few minutes before I /we were seen .About ten minutes later he came to unlock us, but instead of taking us in to see someone, he instead said that we were going back to the 6th floor ball court. And that is where he put me and I stayed until 11:00 p.m , when they finally took me back up to 13th floor andI was asked what I wanted. I told the female guard, Cpl. King, that I was there because of testicular pain and chest pain and that I had a MRSA infection on my back, confirmed with my medical records, that should be on file. She asked me to choose which one was more dire and told me I couldn't have both, and I told her "I guess my testicular pain?", but that they were both related.
Then she said ,that if that was the complaint,there was not a thing she could do for me as it was not a life or death situation .Then one of the other female guards went around the corner from me and asked somebody else," What do balls have to do with chest pain?"
I answered," Having masses in the testicles, even though they might be benign, can still travel to other parts of the body, affecting other organs or that the pain that I feel in my testicle could be putting stress on my heart; plus any other numerous possibilities could be affecting these symptoms. A male guard sitting in an enclosed glass area ,that seemed to be where they congregated, then yells for me to shut my mouth...."not another word!" I tell him that I'm just explaining and answering what’s wrong with me to the guard! Again ,he says if I don't shut up he is immediately taking me back to my cell. " I still hear something? Didn't think so! Uh-uh,
Don’t want to hear a sound coming from you". While he is telling me this the four others present, including a person dressed in a maroon smock (black male) were joining in harmony berating me. They left me handcuffed for about another 15 minutes, before the guard that originally removed me from the cell, at 5:30 p.m., returned and told me to hurry up, as he had to go soon(now it is 11:15). I told him it was not up to me how fast they saw me, and in fact I hadn't even been seen. The guard walked in to the area where the man in the purple smock was, who had told me ,"I can only treat life and death situations", and asked him if he could sign off on me, as he was getting off shift soon. This medical person said there was nothing he could do for me except put in my chart a note stating I was to see Dr. Marcellos 1st thing Monday morning. He didn't listen to my heart, lungs....etc. He just said he couldn't do anything. Then the tall black guard who took me out of the cell at 5:30 p.m. ,earlier that evening, returned me to it at 11:30 p.m.He was in a hurry.
Never did I see a" Dr.Marcellos", another nurse, or get a response from the many medical slips I had turned in,from the time of 12/8 until they let me out the front door(and of course, it started snowing and sleeting , with the wind howling, the minute I stepped out of the jail!) on saturday, 12/22/07 !
Now Freddie and Jack were sure that I had received some treatment and were beaming with the fact that 'they had done it!' "You see what I can do , with the power I command here ,don't you now?"Freddie piped! Yeah , I sure do see what your power can get me. About 6 hours of being held in the ball court cold,thirsty,sick and having to use the restroom!Then get up to the 13th floor around 11:00 p.m. and told that they can't do anything for me unless it's a life and death situation.
" Didn't you tell them like I told you to tell them??!!"(freddie is more upset than I am, not for concern of my health, but because freddie is not RIGHT this time. Must have been something I did or didn't do!) Yes ,Freddie, Don't you think I told them "something" after freezing my ass off for the last 6 hours.They just don't care!They are complicit in their actions(Freddie and Jack barely understood the meaning of some words but they liked it when I used words they were not used to ,it made them feel like I was talking to them on a common level.)They do these things that are not right and profitable to them because they think all the these things are done in secret, that nobody knows and that they will never be held accountable.They forget about WHO is able to see and comprehend all.God put these men and women in positions of power and authority.If they insist on knowingly not doing right and profiting off the suffering of humans as the direct result of unjust laws of their design,...they will be given the chance to correct their behaviors and the measures they take on their" own" citizens who are under their care and ward, to their credit.Then they can say,"We were ignorant of our offenses to God and His people, but now that God has made me aware of these grievances, I repent and correct the wrongs. By Gods grace, I am able to redeem my self, through my own volition I repent" , without being questioned on the merit of the acts, as God Himself has allowed for redemption through His Truth and Mercy , Rightousness and Compassion.And If they refuse and continue in their filthy ways, God will remove them from their prestigous positions and correct their abuses ,with no credit due them. As He has always removed those from positions of power and authority, when they've become too drunk on the profit of the suffering.
Just do the right thing. We all acknowledge that we are aware of the difference between right and wrong.It's not black and white, but we inherently are able to distinguish( even those that love evil) the basis between Good and evil...do not steal...murder...covet..and have no other idols as gods before the ONE GOD and to love Him with all your mind ,heart and soul and to love His creation, as such.This I told to these men ...and they listened .Then they got mad! Most people are not aware, that the things that run through their minds; thoughts...temptations that feel contrary to how they feel and and what they desire to do, are usually actual external stimuli(Satan and his minions evil motives ) designed to make the person"feel" it is part of their makeup . And if these stimuli are applied for long, without the individual being aware of their origin and nature, he mistakenly makes them his own ,through default.He then becomes ashamed, convinced that these thoughts and the feelings he experiences are part of him. And he, assuming that these "thoughts" are his, wonders after awhile," what is wrong with me?And why?". And when he can't stop these "thoughts", he makes them (mistakenly,ignorantly) a part of him. And all he had to do, was to realize, what nobody had told him or given him: the tools to confront these lies; the Truth.That the Liar,the deceiver, the accuser of humantiy,SATAN ... that his greatest lie is to make you believe that he is part of you, unconditionally , by fooling you in to believing his 'Hates and Motives' are your own.If you' re having trouble with these "alien" thoughts and feelings in your mind and the"dirty, shameful"( especially for minor transgressions) way you feel , it's probably because it goes against your nature. The truly evil person has no qualms with his thoughts and actions, he relishes in the pain, suffering and perversions he can inflict on a person.The solution , is to first realize the TRUTH , that we are and always have been at spiritual(real) war with the adversary.That, being made in the image of God , we inherently are persecuted by the adversary, due to this relation and that we being the offspring of our "Father", have the right to refuse and rebuff these confrontations/accusations and to accept our true potential worth. And that is , not to be ashamed of our human condition and believe the lie : that we are impotent by design . That we are not worthy to be in Gods presence. By Design. God designed us, and there is no logic or reason to this accusation. That is Satans tool....to disempower and disenfranchise a person,to make him believe that he is powerless in the capacity of his human nature , by what the person unmistakenly believes is his "unmanipulated" will.
And that is why , eventually ,everybody gets mad, for Satan and his minions are hard at work to convince one that his filth is yours and that you could never be loved because of it.Shame.then anger.But these are all lies and temptations.It's not even a part of you or how you really feel.It's hard to convince a person of his true goodness, when for so many years,the lie has been reinforced,time and time again by the evil one , that humanity is unworthy of God. Who alone , can make this judgement, but God. God Designed us in His image. It'll take awhile for most to unravel the lies and start believing in the beauty afforded them by the simple grace of the human experience.But for some,Christ's Peace
and presence is so profound , that there is no doubt that they have been healed of this sickness of separation.The separation from Gods presence( the ultimate pain and lie) .
Now , Jack Calvert , is a self professed agnostic ( I think he actually said he was an atheist when I first entered the cell on Nov. 26) and these things I was saying was leaving some impression on him. Freddie was also interested in what I was saying. Of course, as result of his ego , his motive and interest was slightly different than Jacks'. Jack was agnostic as a result ( or lack of results) of, "God hasn't given me a whole lot of anything to believe in.....".
Now Freddie was a professed believer and follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.And he was a know it all. His arrogance blinded him to the fact that he was actually quite ignorant in many matters. I am not saying he was stupid . He just did not quite have the grasp to comprehend that his limited and selective knowledge actually made him sound pompous when he allowed his arrogance to override his brain. And as much as I want to believe his genuine desire for the peace of Christ in life, he was not even aware that was what he was missing, Peace. And that was a direct result of his lifestyle, actions ,mannerisms and behaviors. Simply put, he was a self described " Gangsta". He was really impressed with the " thug mentality". He was a really bad singer and rapper but that didn't stop him from imposing his racket on our ears, always self promoting how great he was , in all things. But there was no way that Freddie could convince anyone knowledgeable ,that while he was enslaving people and profiting off their suffering by selling them "Crack", he was also promoting Christs Peace . Murder,theft, violence, hunger,desperation,extortion by fear,rape and many more grievances against humanity ...these are evils that are essential for the "Gang " to flourish. Their agenda is to enslave,control,profit,kill,manipulate...as their evil , greed and arrogance dictates these violences against themselves! Freddie was not aware of the scope or extent his actions took on his own actual brother . He wasn't even aware that he had a brother. Imagine , wanting to make a profit off a pained Son of God by enslaving him with the addiction of crack. Now the Devil might like that scenario. "Blasphemie!",you say?Well read this...
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 ‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’ 41
“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; 43 I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ 44 “Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ 45 “Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 “These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
And when you encounter your brother ailing, in need of some comfort , you might wonder, maybe this person is Christ disguised , allowing you the opprotunity and honor to give Him something good from the "Father" !And instead you offer Him "CRACK".
Now, Jack was the brother that Freddie sold the "Crack" to and who profited from his suffering.Of course they did not know each other , before their introduction in jail.
But ,nonetheless Jack was vulnerable and in need of some relief when he met a guy like Freddie, some where, who asked him,"You party man? Want to party ,man?" . It used to be a sort of benign question meaning you were invited to a party,but what it means now...you smoke crack, I'll take you to get some! (and help you smoke it and spend all your money).
Jack ,not feeling the presence of God, asked ,through blind faith , for forgiveness from God for abusing himself.He was not sure if God listened to people such as himself ,but if he did ,he knew he needed the grace that Gods forgiveness gave ,the abilty to breathe deeply and richly.A sense of peace. The feeling that the hole inside us is slowly being filled with comfort.
Freddie resisted.Freddie did not repent.He went to prison with the feeling that he would be killed there by a rival gang.Or by his own.Or consider this, the little girl he got hooked on crack and who he pimped out and who then got pregnant and he kept on feeding her crack and pimping..., well he's bragging about it on the yard and he happens to be in the company of one guy ,he doesn't know ,who has a concern for this girl...maybe an uncle...brother..or a boyfriend who lost her to this "Crack" and now It has a face. He said he knew of God and that Jesus ,he believed in ,so that meant he was saved.He was not asking forgiveness for the abuses he inflicted on his self or others. He enjoyed being a "Gangsta" ,a Blood.He
was ready to go to DOC when the prison van finally came to get him and he
" Pulled Chain" . It's hard being in a cell ,mostly for 24 hours a day, for
6 months ,as in Freddies case.The "Yard " meant sunlight that he had not seen for the last sick months ,more open space.
But he left in Fear. And most importantly, he did not enjoy the hope or the presence of God ,that Jack felt, through blind faith. And repentance.
Well 12/10/07 , monday comes and goes. The promise of a doctor visit is not realized.Freddie and Jack rationalize the doctor didn't call me in for treatment because he hadn't even come in to work ,the ice storm and everything .Well, sure . Good excuse for them not to give me some form of treatment ,basic treatment! My heart was really hurting , palpatating and the abcess on my back had just spread to about a 3 in. diameter and protruded 1/4 in to 1/2 in. ,filled with pus.The front right side of my body, especially my chest muscle was painful to the touch.Sore.
With stabbing pains.My breathing was labored. My right foot , the two surgeries done in june, were very painful and a small amount of pus was oozing out of one. I feared the infection would spread, as it had on my back. And to top it off, the testicular masses that were confirmed in june /07 at Baptist were emanating a dull,burning ache along with a sweetly, sick , odor....faint ,but I noticed it. And I definitely felt the pain. I believe that I had become anemic again,considering I had been bleeding abdominally due to the Motrin I had taken for the pain.
To tell you the truth, to their credit, neither Jack or Freddie relished in my pain, but what most people do when confronted with another persons pain ,a pain that they can't help alleviate, is they, out of frustration and hopelessness, protect themselves from this pain the only way most people know how, by turning their backs ,walking away and/or victimizing and ostracizing the inflicted
human.They need to justify in their hearts and minds their impotence and apathy by faulting the sick. It was subtle. They think that it is easier. Maybe.
12/11/07 , tuesday.Freddie is very depressed! He did not "pull chain" . Again ,the weather ,is blamed.He hasn't ordered much commisssary in the last few weeks, thinking that he was leaving any Tuesday, the usual day DOC comes to transport
waiting DOC inmates. And he was hungry and irritable, having got used to the extra food he was able to provide himself through commissary(as much as $100.00 a week).The food that the jail provides is minimal, the reason;profit and control.
And most of the guys can consume three or four of these trays, easily. Most Americans are conditioned to eat until their stomachs are extended. Full. Were it hurts. Unnatural.
I would estimate that about 55 % of the jails population spend more than $25 a week. 20% spend over $ 50 a week. And then there are those that spend over a
Where do they get all that money and who are they burdening by having this money put on their books? Somebody on the outside must put money on their books. I explained to the men that the reason that so many people in America
overeat is a result of the food Corporations agendas.
1) profiting by extending the shelf life of their products by adding adulterants ;especially preservatives.
2) Then comes the additives(phenalalanine,salt,bleaches,...etc.)that have a desired affect on the consumer.Control.
Basically , I told them why they were eating so much.They were actually starved.The foods they consume in mass quantities have little or no actual nutritional value. And the nourishment that these products do have is blocked from absorbtion by the additives/adulterants , bonding /encasing the molecules so that they can not be processed or utilized by the body.The more you eat, the more you buy, the more the Food corporations make.
And the listless American deprived of the proper diet has not the energy to properly function.He "feels" like he is "eating sufficiently" but he's actually consuming empty calories.Tasty, but mostly empty.
The fat is readily absorbed.
As is the sugar.Salt.caffeine.pesticides.antibiotics.
I was really amazed how much these fellas ate in commissary a day. That is the week they both got a load of munchies, the 1st week I was there. 4 cases of cup of soup.4 packages of coffee(ea. /3 gal.).Numerous candy bars(20?>).Beans and rice.tortillas.Pastries.Kool-aid. I can go on and on ,but the point is ,they ate this in one weeks time.Constantly!
And they were not even doing anything physical to justify the calorie intake . Addicted to food, for the reasons stated above .They can never satiate their appetite . And when the food ran out, it's not like they could walk to the store and get something to bring "home".
No.They suffered.They were huuuungrrry!
Self- induced? Crazy. Done out of ignorance through someones deceivement to promote an agenda. I told Jack and Freddie these things .And many other things.
They had never questioned the charges they were in jail under . Excuse me, let me clarify that statement.Frederick Lewis Brown was charged and convicted by plea . Jack Calvert was never charged( according to him).The judge or somebody asked him if he had the money to pay the back child support he owed and when he responded in the negative, the Judge gave him 6 months in the Oklahoma County Jail. He started questioning after sobering up and talking or listening to me for awhile.
Debtors prison had been done away with for awhile until just the last 20-30 years, that I am aware of anyway. And logically,wouldn't it be better 1st to garnish his wages,allowing him to work and pay towards the" debt" ,the debt the government has found necessary to impose on him. Sure ,it's morally and ethically wrong for this man not to" support" his child.Against the law? Sure ,now that somebody passed a law.Constitutional? The government overstepping its' authority and powers?
If the grown man has not learned how to manage his finances and provide some benefit to his child( and surely not just legal tender), then shame on the world that raised him.garnishment.
Then if that doesn't work, weekends in some working capacity to go to the" debt". There are various other alternatives that are beneficial to both child and parent.
Surely something that doesn't require some state agency getting involved just to make a profit and justify their existence.
Jail.Probation.Court.public defender.Prison.Sure, they are there for a reason.
Criminals.Real offenders of the peace and dignity of the people.Violence,Theft, murder,rape...etc.Serial Killers.Men intent in doing real"evil",whether it be the corporate executive who stole millions, if not billions,in their employees pensions,leaving them to destitution. Or the bank robber who kills during his crime,or the violent extortionist...etc., these are the men the judicial and law enforcement officials must protect us from, unless they want to go back to the days when every (alot) man was armed and revenge or justice was just seconds in the coming . Even though people have been as simplistic as ever ,from the begining of time, a cleary visible weapon on a person and the risk that a person might just use it ,made many hesitate and chose their words and actions carefuly,back in the days. Lest,they receive the immediate wrath of the offended.Now ,our government has disenfranchised and disempowered the "citizen" by making a lot Americans "FELONS".For things such as hot checks,non payment of child support,marijuana possesion(now just called CDS,controlled DANGEROUS substance),tax evasion...the list goes on.
And when examined for motive, prohibiting a non violent citizen from possessing a weapon and voting due to his classification as a felon,... logic dictates that it is not justified,considering the Constitutions guarantee that it is the right of all citizens to bear arms, and to exercise their right to vote. Factors required for a "government of the people" to run efficiently,with all the balances and checks in place ,to guarantee, that if/when that government becomes hostile
and cancerous to its people it shall be abolished through peaceful( an actual vote of the people,not an electoral vote) means and if those peaceful means are not attainable ,then it's the duty of its people to remove the offending group/faction by armed conflict,if necessary.The very "reasons " we went to war with Mother England.No taxation without representation(a vote ,representive of the peoples wishes and desires).The Kings military cannot confiscate private colonial weapons.See the connection? No weapons. No way to enforce an unblemished vote.No way to resist.No worries for King George.And mucho moola to boot for the King and his cronies! Freddie is depressed and Hungry. It is apparent on his face.
Again, another day, wed.12. Freddie is still with us. Of course the Doctor has not called for me to be treated.Weather is still bad.real bad. We can't really tell from the inside of a cell what is going on in the world.Except that it was really cold.In the cell.More than usual.The vent is already blowing air at full force, and we estimated the temperature to be in the 50-60 degrees farenheit range.Plus the cold permeating through the exterior walls added to the freezer effect. I ,literally ,had to put a towel around my face so that I could have warm air to breathe and then wrap myself with the threadbare sheet they provide.The air was that cold, it hurt to breathe.Then I tried as best as I could to cocoon myself with the thin,itchy wool blanket.To top it off ,the lint that liberally shed off this blanket not only wound up in my hair...but in my lungs also. I was really having a hard time breathing.And it hurt. I really hurt all over ,by now.The abcess is now starting to feel like some one is stabbing me in the back.LOL.
I really have been stabbed in the back several times in the past(1992) ,so I know how it actually feels.That's a totally other tribulation that I' ve had to endure.!Maybe I'll write about it soon.It's taken over 16 years to overcome the traumas associated with that story.It was very intense. But that story,later.
4:30 a.m. ,thursday."Frederick Lewis Brown ,your pulling chain!Grab your bedroll!" The guard hadn't even finished saying this and Freddie was already out of the cell.He was so very anxious to go to A and R(admitting and receiving,in Lexington ,Oklahoma).The tension had been thick between us the last couple of weeks. It was time for him to go meet his destiny.He did not bother to say "bye".
I got the top bunk. Jack, having seniority,got the bottom. I was really getting sicker.
Later,that day ,around 12:00 pm, Jack went to the GED class he had enrolled in to better himself. And to take up some time. H ewent to class about two hours each day.One of the best decisions he had made for himself, in my own opinion.It wasn't so much about acquiring the knowledge ,he thought he was required to memorize, that mattered. It was more about teaching him how to use his noggin! Solving problems analytically.Using every aspect of his human nature.
Somebody had sent to Jack in the mail , a dictionary , to assist him in his schooling. He was writing a letter one night when I noticed that he was becoming frustrated .He had been occupied with this search for awhile when he finally ,a little embarrassed,asked me , " I know this sounds stupid, but how do you spell "Goyl"?I"ve been looking and looking and I'm sure it's not here.The way I have it spelled here in my letter just doesn't look right."
I asked him to let me look at his letter . He had spelled it the way he heard himself pronounce it."Goyl". The trouble he was having in mastering the language was what most people who were learning english had, phonetic problems .The different dialects,inflections,accents and word usage distinctive to certain regions complicate the way we interpret the sounds we hear when one speaks and that such fluctuations can render an incorrect spelling. I explained this to him and he understood . Jack was not stupid, he had just limited himself in his elementary knowledge by not appyling himself at the time he was supposed to learn it. I am not faulting him ,shit happens .Wouldn't want to walk in any other mans shoes. Reading more, I explained, will allow him to familiarize himself with words and their correct spelling. Looking up these words will allow him to sound out the "proper" common pronounciation.And in English, the spelling and the pronounciation usually do not match ,hence the " problem". He asked me how I knew so much and I explained that most of it was a "grace from God" but that it didn't hurt that I had a couple brain cells and had somewhat mastered their function. And besides, I had attended OU from the year 1996-1998 and had mastered in Linguistics. My proffessor,Mr. Gui, was exceptionally gifted in his teaching and was able to demonstrate how simple human charateristics and mannerisms, enviroment and nurturing effect language and the way it is written , read,spoken and interpreted. Jack was beneficient of this teaching.
On Friday morning 12/14, we receive a new cellmate, a transfer from the 2nd floor. He was waiting to get extradited to Logan County and somplace else I can't remember.He was hoping to be able to make it out by Christmas. His name was Tim Cousins,from the Spencer area. Former Army cook from 1988-1996?Another poor soul with a self deprecation problem. He had been through alot of physical trauma.And it wasn't even combat or service related.Car accidents,attempted suicides and basic self abuse. He had spirit and drive though.He had accidentally left in the 2nd floor cell he had been transfered from, a sentimental picture of his wife and himself ,taped to the bottom of the top bunk . For two or three days ,he yelled ,screamed,hollered and banged the door at every guard and person he could see out of the little cell door window, to ask them if they could assist him in getting his picture back! Getting these guards and trustees just to bring us our scheduled meals required an act of God and Tim thought they were going to first remember his request and then go all the way down to the 2nd floor from the 6th.He even wrote request of staffs and notes on pieces of papers and gave those to whoever happened to be there when the cell door was open.But even as annoying as it was ,his persistence paid off. A miracle . The 1st guard he had asked days before,he was the one that brought him the picture.Tim was so grateful! He kept thanking him over and over.
The day before Tims arrival, Jack had shown me a sore on his leg that he thought was staph. It was raised,red and filled with pus. He filled out a medical slip. He wanted me to spell out MRSA for him. I told him that it was not a good idea to put Methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus down as his diagnosis . First , they don't like it when you know medical terminology and do a self- diagnosis . This is a direct threat to their job stability. Your knowledge might make them accountable and responsible for some treatment they might have to give you. Second ,due to the wording they probably might think that I'm juicing the inmates up with the hysteria of a possible MRSA epidemic. He put it down anyway. Of course he spelled MRSA right . And, also, Methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus. The rest of the medical slip was obviously grammatically incorrect and whoever would read it would notice a difference in the structure and syntax. After filling out several more similiar medical request slips, as a result of no response to his first inquiries, he realized it was probably better if he had left out the word , MRSA . From the time that he wrote that 1st medical request slip , until the time that I left the jail the 22nd of december, he like me , was never taken out of the cell for a medical screening or treatment.
I advised him to wash the wound and bandage it with toilet paper. Keep it clean. When he flushes the toilet , touch it with a barrier of toilet paper between his skin and the metal. The cell had never been cleaned. We shit and drank out of a single device that served several purposes. It was designed as a sink, a toilet and a water fountain. The sink and fountain are located where the water tank would usually go on a standard toilet. Above and behind the "throne". Like I wrote earlier ,the cell had never been cleaned with broom or mop.Disinfectants?sanitizers?detergents? They never had been used in the cell. We kept it as clean as we possibly could with three people eating, sleeping ,and shitting everyday in such a small space.Not to mention the hair,dead skin, boogers and who knows what else falls off or is"flicked" off by someone. We swept the floor with cardboard and cleaned the sink by wiping it down with toilet paper(unused,clean toilet paper,silly!). Other than that, I'm sure the cell enviroment was an ideal growing medium for every known microscopic organism and his mother. And these people were walking on the floor barefooted! And if not that,they walked on the mattresses(yeah, Jack and Freddie thought I didn't know, that when they thought I was not looking ,out of laziness,instead of walking over my mattress that was laying on the floor ,when they had to walk from their bunk to the door,toilet, they both instead stepped on my plastic mattress.Hence the infection on my back. The sheet and blanket were not sufficient to cover the mattress and your person at the same time. So the part of your body that did not get covered was exposed to the plastic, laden with bacteria from the bottom of their filthy flipflops! ) we(I) slept on ,with those orange flipflops, the bottom an ideal transport carrier for all the other known organisms lurking outside the cell.
Tim had brought with him, from the 2nd floor cell, all the things he had accumalated(except the photo of him and the wifey) during his stay.And one of the items was a fungal ointment he had received to treat his athletes foot fungus. He wanted to be helpful, so he offered it to Jack as a treatment for his infection. I tried to explain to them both, that if what Jack did have was a Staph infection ,the fungal creme was not going to do much good except prevent a fungal infection and that it might even complicate the healing, Staph being a bacteria and fungal ointments intended for "Fungi" . "It can't hurt!", was both their response. Jack started having severe pain! His skin was hot to the touch. He described the pain at times as throbbing and stabbing. Tim,to comfort us, offered me and Jack a cup of coffee .We accepted! Keefee Coffee is the bomb! I don't like cocaine(abhor its effects on humanity) ,but I liken the Keefee coffee effect on the mind as euphoric as the coca alkaloids. With out the crash. I, for a couple of hours at least , had a reprieve from the lingering fog of despair after drinking just one cup.And that is all I needed. I was satisfied. I felt a noticable increase in my sense of well being. We all drank our cups and got to know each other better. Jack tended to his infection , applying the fungal ointment and with Tims assistance, bandaged the wound with toilet paper.Then , Jack remembered that he had a gauze left by a previous cellie of his ,that he could apply. I told him ,that for some reason, cotton gauze helps bring abcesses to a head and draws out the pus.
Saturday the 15th of December arrives with Jack panting in pain.Tim has some Motrin that he gives Jack.
The gauze is soaked through with blood and pus. Jack can barely touch the surrounding affected area of the infection with out wincing and grimacing. Now Jack can really sympathize and emphasize with my infection on my back. And his is the size of a quarter at best and it still caused him significant pain.Mine was now about three inches in diameter and protruded from my back about two inches, filled with pus. It was so taut. And I could barely use my right arm. I couldn't lift it above my shoulder.My heart hurt with stabbing knife pains. I was really having trouble breathing, even with my inhaler.(I found out later that I had bronchitis @ OU Health 12/25). The testicular masses were also causing me low grade pain with extreme nausea.
The night before,concerned with my life, I told Jack, that if I happened to die while in custody,that he had the right to sue the county on the behalf of my estate for wrongful death ,malfeasance and negligence. Fearing that I had a good chance of dying in jail without any medical treatment, I prayed and asked God for some wisdom and comfort from the Holy Spirit. I was motivated to write to the arraigning judge,Judge Hall. I didn't include in the letter any mention of the non medical treatment or my declining medical condition to the Judge. I did write that I had not received any responses to my OR bond applications,or answers to most of my "request of staffs". I did mention that it was my birthday on 12/24 and that it would be a wonderful present if the judge could find compassion and mercy for my person by assisting me in my inquiries.I sent this letter off on friday, before the letters stopped going out for the weekend. I really was concerned enough about the way I felt to think that I had a good possibility of dying that weekend.
Saturday night I barely slept. My body was wracked with pain. I could not sleep on my back or right side. And I barely could stay on my left side but for short intervals before I would have to sit up . I knew that at any time my heart could go out as a result of the infection. I had been only eating once a day due to my diet restricting sugars. The beans that I loved to eat were off limits due to the diverticulitis and the extreme pain they cause. As was the milk.Lactose intolerant. The preservatives (nitrates) that were in the delicous boloney made me ill . Besides that, it smelled when excreted through my pores. Like I told Jack," I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!"
The next morning(12/16) Jack wakes me up at 5:30 and tells me that the oatmeal barely has any sugar! I thank God and eat it.
It is delicous!Of course "barely any sugar " to Jack means that the oatmeal has at least 3 tsp. of sugar. It was plenty sweet, but I needed it. I immediately started itching . A few hours later , the bottom of my feet were throbbing and sore . These were just some of the adverse reactions I had to sugar. Imagine if I had drank a soft drink with the equivalent of 10 -12 teaspoons of sugar in it, six times a day! Thats roughly 60 teaspoons of sugar in sodas alone, not to mention the other foods consumed in a day, all laden with sugar , whether they need it or not. By the next morning ,my skin will be red ,tender and beginning to flake and peel. Basically it looks like dandruff on my face. Hence, one of the reasons that I control my diet . It also makes my nerves more sensitive,heightening my pain awareness. Years of suffering and acquiring the discipline to limit my diet, has proven successful in , all areas of my health becoming better. But I was already craving "sweets" after eating the oatmeal! I couldn't believe that I was feigning for sugar like a " hard drug"! Let me explain. After purging my body of all these toxins , by limiting my diet(as best I can) , for the last several years , it has become extra sensitive to these substances and when I do consume them I feel them for the adulterants they are(bleached processed sugars are just a basic drug) . Acting as a stimulant with empty calories and no nutritional value.Thats why the food corporations add "criminally "excessive amounts to all foods.Read the label. A lot of Americans do, but for some reason ,they can't comprehend the amounts as being excessive.Come on,12 teaspoons per serv? I could barely wait for tomorrows "cream of wheat". I was actually eating these allergants as the result of needing the calories to help combat the infections and to give me some badly needed energy. Another thing, my intuition dictated that I eat. Something was telling me that I was going to be needing the energy soon, so I was to start reserving a supply.Other than being allergic to most of the food they served , the jail actually served some decent food. Not always warm. Actually pretty damned cold, at times. And of course, the portions were made for kindergartners.
Jack now can't lay on the side of his infected leg without it continously throbbing with pain.Nobody has come to take him to see the doctor. He has even shown a guard or two the wound with its oozing blood and pus."Better send in a medical slip....looks like an emergency!" they say. Tim is still with us, he has not been extradited. We didn't think a different county would transport a prisoner during the weekend for extradition. He was sure Logan or Garfield County would be there for him tomorrow, on monday.
I heard the guards outside the cells going from door to door ,asking the detainees through the glass window, if they would like to go "chapel". They had a man dressed in a a suit accompaning them. I think he was the preacher. I was looking out the window and it seemed that a lot of the "boys" opted to get out of the cells for at least awhile. I prayed were I was at, always."Church Service" was a sacrament extended to humanity to bring them together to share in the eucharist."Pray anytime.Anywhere."
I asked Tim if I could read one of the books he had.The only one he "had" was the Lafaye novel of the series "Left Behind". I really didn't feel like reading what I thought was a fundamentalist based fiction, but I was willing to read anything, so starved for reading was I. I read it in one day. I think it was the book before the " the Indwelling".The book was actually palatable. I wanted to read the next book now.No. I just don't(can't) really believe in the "Hollywood" version of the "apocalypse", if "it" even refers to these times we live in and if the interpretation is true to intent. So many people are intent in causing destruction and exacting revenge to self justify and negate what they "think" to be are their shortcomings, instead of promoting the mercy,healing and restoration the Lord desires for His Creation. They equate their human desires with Gods will. But if that is what the whole of humanity wants, maybe God will let them have their " Fire and Brimstone" scenario ! I sure hope and pray not. We have all suffered enough, in my humble opinion.image info
12/17 monday.Tim is still with us. I again eat the delicious oatmeal. I can't believe how good it tastes. I pray that the food is sanctified and that we all are nourished by this food despite the mens groanings and grumblings.Well ,actually, I've been saying this prayer for awhile and it is Jack that has stopped complaining.So now I pray it for all the others in the Pod that might not enjoy their fare.
12/20 Thursday. I awake early ,anticipating that I may need to comb my hair for some reason. Immediately , a guard opens the door to the cell and asks me , "Leon?" Yes. "Lets go ,your going to court." I grabbed my inhaler, my papers, glasses and was out of the cell. I had not known I was going to court.My court date was not until 1/22 or so. But then I remembered the letter I had written to the arrainging Judge Hall. I felt the miracle. I was still not to let my guard down. I ate some oatmeal while waiting to get out of the Pod.For some reason,the guards and the trustees were taking their time leaving the Pod after serving breakfast.The guards then took all of us that ,were going to court , to the 6th floor "Ball court". It should have been about 5:30a.m.. Of course, they left us in this area for the minimum 30-45 minutes required for holding.Plus ,they also brought another 20 or so monkeys to keep us company.No body should have felt lonely. Around 6:00 am -6:15 am the guards called out the magickal numered 30 or so names . I guess that 30 is about the amount of people that the guards can fit into the elevator without causing to much fornication while crammed in so tight( there are perverts and sadist! And those idiots that decided to start jumping up and down while on the elevator until the guard said we would all be taken back to the "Ball Court " if it did not stop).Guess where our next stop is going to be after we get off the elevator? Right! You're learning grasshopper. Another "holding cell". These are the ones you immediately saw to your right when you first entered the jail. through the sliding metal/ glass doors.continued at ,sort of , ... violencerevengeforgive.blogspot.com/2008/05/Under duress,another pretextual stop (click here) How and why I was arrested illegally.